The Crash Pad Series, Volume 5: The Revolving Door has been out for a while, but I’ve finally gotten a chance to watch and review this hot, sexy DVD of queer porn.  It’s been really hard to carve out porn watching time since the baby was born.  At any rate, a recent weekend provided me with some family-free time and I took full advantage.

Here are the notes I took while watching, and enjoying, Crash Pad Series, Volume 5.   My conclusion is that you definitely must go buy this DVD.  Unless you don’t like great ground-breaking, queer porn, in that case, stick to your non-ground-breaking straight porn, with my pity

—

Episode 36:  August and Stacey Staxxx

Wax play, ropes, strap-on, finger-fucking..  Hmmm, the last time I did wax play was many, many years ago but I still remember the shock and sting of the hot wax hitting my skin.  My partner combined it with ice, which made for a nice interplay of temperature extremes.  The couple in this scene starts out with the birthday girl dripping wax on her hostess.  They switch and the birthday girl gets 30 drips.. one for each year.  I can certainly relate to the difficulty she has counting each drip…  after a while she’s, stinging and with pain.  Then the ropes come into play.

Oooh.. a big thick, chocolate brown dildo, looks like mine, maybe longer.   some sucking, then the hostess straddles the birthday girl.

I like the tats, the fact that they aren’t model thin sticks, they look like real people.   However, there isn’t a lot of heat/chemistry, between these two..  the heat increases when they switch positions and the butch is on top fucking the other with the strap-on.

Episode 40:  Rex and Scarlett Chaos

These two are a bit more engaging from the beginning, a butch (flagging orange with black latex gloves)… more believable interactions in dialog and foreplay.  Cuffing to the bed frame..

Again, enjoying the realistic body shapes, this one has great dirty talk and lots of noises.. which I happen to like a lot.  Great blow job segment .. leading to fucking, really hot fucking with lots of noise, I like noise.  Like the humor and chemistry between these two

Safe sex, hot headboard banging sex, and wailing orgasms.. excellent scene.

Episode 44: Kuma and Julie Warren

… Big Trans Daddy beats and fucks voluptuous goddess, a feast of tattoos on Kuma, double floggers, admirable goatee..

Julie is a Hot curvaceous woman, she can take a lot..  watching her take both floggers to her breasts got me going… caning to the pussy and inner thighs.. OUCH.. and hot… more ouch as the beatings to the backs of her legs continued with various canes and sticks.. very much a BDSM scene.. Julie in obvious pain, but reveling in it.. mmm blow jobs.. I love blow jobs… and gagging on cock.. damn.. this scene makes me want to rub myself.. and sliding the panties over.. to get the cock into the pussy, I like that too.. Oooooh fisting.. damn, that’s hot.. mm noises.. I like those noises

watching the caning makes me wince, a lot.. canes fucking hurt..  they have great chemistry.  He’s a great top and she’s a very tough and willing bottom and they are sweet together.. despite the wincing I did through the caning.

Episode 37:  Cyd Loverboy and Red

Cyd is a sissyboy who gets roughed up by a tough, mean girl.  They’re supposed to be study buddies?  Yeah, right, for what… sex ed?  heh heh, wow, don’t you just love it when a butch squeeks?  and how fast did she have her cock down that boi’s throat?  mmm jaguar harness, I think.. awwww.. she’s being mean to her study buddy..   slapping, forced cock sucking, finger sucking, chest punching, rough handling, and very quickly to finger fucking, gagging, moaning… niiice…  nice tits too.. damn.. who needs foreplay.. though these two are very playful, it’s very much a scene about domination, genderfucking.. and it’s sexy.. the top really enjoys the discomfort and struggle of the bottom.. wow does that feel familiar… oh.. and the sounds the boi makes when it all turns anal.. damn.. that’s hot, makes me want to jump in and speed things up .. rrowrrr  …

Don’t know if it was a sound effect, but right when the anal fingering turned to anal dicking.. there was thunder, a nice long rumbler .. wow.. yeah, that’s exactly what happens when I get fucked in the ass… and then the sound of a drill.. wow.. how appropriate… Lots of body punching.. mmm hot fucking and pussy slapping… yeah.. rub that thumb right there.. ok, it’s certainly getting warm in here.. and the nervous sounding laughter has turned once again into sounds of deep pleasure.. mmmhmmmmm.

Episode 35: Mickey Mod & Shawn

Mickey’s a cis-male, with a hot body and Shawn is a hot queer and damn…

Wow, right from the start, this scene gets me hot.. hits me in that wanna-play-with-a-guy sometime place, boy gives dildo head… nice.. hot.. hotter.. mmm hottest…   getting sucked and fucked.. one of my favorite things ever.. and watching is hot too.. damn..  having a hard time taking notes.. cuz this is so hot I want to use my hands somewhere else…

Hottest kissing scene, for sure… the kissing alone has me on the edge…  oh damn, more sucking and fucking… that boy is good…   and as a reward, he gets his stroked too… and sucked.. damn.. blowjobs turn me on.. *squirmsquirm*  and what a nice finish…

–

In conclusion, you should buy Crash Pad Series, Volume 5 for hot sex, safe sex, genderqueer sex.. I mean, what’s not to love?   If you don’t already have this DVD, why the hell not?  It’s only $29.99 at Babeland, come on.. doo eeet.. you know you want to.

I feel like giving this DVD only 4 boots, but that’s just because I wanted more scenes… that’s probably not fair to Shine Louise HoustonPink&White Productions, so 5 boots it is.

Disclaimer:  I don’t receive payment for reviewing Babeland products, but I do get to keep everything I review.  I’m under no pressure to provide positive reviews and I promise to give you the truth about each product as I see it.

You know how it is, when you anticipate something for long enough, you get a complete scene built in your head about how things will go.  So it was with the collaring ceremony, where roxy accepted my collar and became My girl.

We had a shared vision of a collaring ceremony in front of the fireplace, the romantic crackle and warm light playing on her skin, lending to the mood.  What we forgot was that it was spring and daylight lasts well into the evening.  It was also a warm day, so the idea of being warmed by the fire wasn’t nearly as appealing.  We decided to forgo the fire and get on with the ceremony.

She knelt on the Liberator throe, her body language saying wicked things to me, wickedsexywanton things I desperately wanted to respond to.  But first, I had to get serious, needed to feel the gravity of the situation.  Needed to be able to say these words without my voice breaking, without bursting into tears from the emotion that was rising in my chest, threatening to split me open:

It is with great pride and deep love that I offer you this collar

This collar is a symbol seen by others, but understood fully by you and me

This collar is a symbol of my strength, given to you

The strength of my hand

The strength of my heart

The strength of my convictions

The strength of my love for you

It is also a symbol of your submission, a gift to me

your strength, following my will

your heart, open to me

your mind, focused and ready

your body, accepting me

I am humbled by the quality and depth of your gift and will accept it with respect and love

I promise to be here for you, forever, to never take your love and service for granted

I promise to always respect the strength and wisdom you bring to this relationship

This collar symbolizes the deep trust you have in me, a trust that I will work daily to earn and strengthen

This collar, given by me, accepted by you, will not be symbolic of an inferior role, you and I know and understand that ours is a partnership, a dance of power between equals

I am honored, proud and very happy to be here, with you, in this moment

my girl, my lover, my friend, my partner

do you accept my collar freely and with joy?

Sure enough, by this point, after having to pause a few times to regain my composure, we both had tears in our eyes.

She said “Yes.. yes, Sir.. thank you, Sir”

Of course, that resulted in more tears, and kisses, both sweet and passionately hard.  I’m trying to come up with the words to describe how it felt to be seated there, with her kneeling below, looking up at me with those impossibly deep eyes.    The love and happiness on her face will stay with me forever.  The way her body moved in supplication, curvaceous, inviting, willing, open.  I think my hands were shaking a bit when I put the collar around her neck and fastened it there.  So much for the big, strong, capable Dom, hmmm?

Wow, she looked so good, kneeling there, collar around her sexy neck, looking up at me expectantly.  For a long moment, I just looked at her, drinking it in, perhaps a little stunned that this gorgeous woman had just given herself to me.  She was very cute when she explained that, quite often, at that point in the ceremony, the participants enjoy a bit of carnal reward.   I grinned big and joined her on the floor, lowering her down onto the throe.  Of course, the floor is a bit hard, so she asked if she could have a pillow (hmm.. do we need a story called “If you give a sub a pillow…”?).  I agreed and fetched one for her, as she remained lusciously displayed on the floor.   Pillow in place, I found my place between her legs, my rough denim and metal studded belt against her sweet, warm skin.   She grimaced, but not from my jeans and belt rubbing against her.  The floor was hard, she reluctantly confessed that maybe sex on the floor was something that worked better in the imagination than in reality.  I had no problem admitting that I would also rather fuck in a bed, so we adjourned to the basement to finalize the ceremony.

This is a poem I wrote to her when I first proposed collaring to her:

be my girl

accept the collar

from my hand

and be my girl

lean on my strength

hold fast to my love

accept my hand

and be my girl

my dear sweet woman

you give so much

you love me so well

please, be my girl

I won’t let you go

you can depend on me

please, come to me,

be my girl

Lover, I want you

Darling, I need you

Woman, I love you

Girl, I give you my strength

Pet, I adore you

I’m still finding myself as a Dom, as her Sir, but so far the results are promising.  We had time that weekend to play a lot, switching, blending, feeling the full range of power exchange.  In a future post, I’ll tell you all about how I flexed my Dom muscle and showed her exactly what kind of Sir she’d accepted.  To her, my sweet girl, my luscious garden of delights, I give my love and my strength and my undying admiration and support… sweet girl, I love you so much, thank you.  You are an amazing woman and I’m thankful everyday that I have you in my life.

The last time Roxy came to visit me, we spent a lot of quality time in the basement.  It was cool and dim and cozy, like a little cave made for two.  She had fun playing with the limited light coming down through the window.

A happy smile and some bruises, evidence that I was enjoying myself a lot.  Thank you, Roxy, for your wonderful photos, bringing those moments back with stunning clarity.

Happy HNT, y’all

To see all the other HNT posts for the day, go to Views from the Back Row, from whence the HNT goodness has come.

by Kedralynn

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #78? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #80? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday May 30th at 11:59pm PDT.

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Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #14

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Pocket Fairy by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Plume Vibrating Faux Pen by Mistress Kay
• Lia Magic Wand by Darling Dove
• Vibratex Blue Delilah by Joan Price
• Vibratex Mystic Wand by Joanna Cake
• Je Joue G-Ki by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• Oasis Slimline Set by Dr. Ruthie
• Oasis Slimline Set by Red Vinyl Kitty
• OhMiBod Club Vibe by namelesschaos
• Natural Contours Jolie by Marilyn
• Solar Bullet by Sexorcism
• Le Reve White Massager by Marilyn
• Jimmyjane Iconic Smoothie by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Natural Contours Ideal & G-Plus by Marilyn
• Joy by Jonsbabydoll
• We-Vibe 2 by Violet
• Cal Exotics Passion Flower by Rev. Arielle
• LELO Lily by The Countess
• Ripple of Love by Missy

Dildos

• Tantus Vamp by Wilhelmina Wang
• Pyrex Glass Dildo by Mistress Kay
• Fun Factory Share XS by True Pleasures
• Glass Twister by True Pleasures
• Ophoria Beyond 3 by Toys in Love
• Fun Factory Share XS by la petite
• Rose G-Spotter by Kynky Kytty

Anal Toys

• Crystal Delights Plug by Saraid
• Tantus Ripple by Kynky Kytty
• Tantus Infinity by Kynky Kytty

Toys for Cocks

• Tenga Double-Hole with Sleeve Warmer by Garnet Joyce
• Pipedream Roto-Bater by Cooper

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Stimulating Gel by True Pleasures
• Jimmyjane Contour Q Massage Stones by Sea of Neptune
• Pleasure Pack by Coco

BDSM/Fetish

• Spartacus 18″ Medium Tip Crop by Wilhelmina Wang
• Silk Scarf Restraints by Mistress Kay
• Tweezer Nipple Clamps with Bells by Juliettia
• Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System by Wilhelmina Wang
• Pipedream Extreme Hogtie Kit by Mistress Arabella

Adult Books/Games

• Stay in Lust Forever by Mistress Kay
• I Dare You by Luscious Lily

Adult Movies & Porn

• Fluid: Men Redefining Sexuality by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Pirates by The Countess
• Crash Pad Series – Episode 29: Brooklyn Flaco & Carson by J.D. Bauchery
• Manly Heat Quenched by The Porn Librarian
• How to Perform Rope Bondage by FrzKey
• My Jetaime by J.D. Bauchery
• All About Bel Ami by FrzKey

Sex Furniture

• Sportsheets Hump, Bump, & Vibe by Thick Shady

Miscellaneous

• Go Girl by Kyle Jones
• Crystal Oval Bindis by True Pleasures
• California Exotics Nipple Suckers by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter
• The G-Spot Kit by Scintillectual
• Fun Factory SmartBalls by Dr. Ruthie

The Sweltering Celt has given us Virtual Reality as our Microfantasy Monday theme.   Here’s a piece inspired by an idea Roxy had:

—-

VR helmet on and gloves secured, she settled back on the recliner.  The high tech seat adjusted to her so that in a few moments, she could barely feel it.  She breathed deeply and began to relax, though thrills of excitement coursed through her as she anticipated the upcoming session.  Feeling the day’s tension draining from her body, she allowed herself to completely immerse in the Computer Created Reality that was now unfolding around her.

Soon she was walking on a path, feeling the twigs and fir cones crunching underneath her shoes.  Through breaks in the trees, she could see the water, green and foam-flecked, surging against the beach below the bluff she was walking along.  Down the zig-zag path she went, feeling and smelling the sea breeze, hearing shore birds calling to each other along the surf line.  At last she was down on the beach, the hard packed sand of the trail turned soft and she could see one set of footprints leading away from where she stood.  A smile grew on her face as she followed that trail.  Here and there, a rose petal lay along the way, as if to say “Yes, love, keep coming”.  Her pace quickened, as well as it could in the soft, deep sand.  The foot prints led around the jutting edge of the bluff and as she turned the corner, she gasped in surprise and pleasure.  Lying on a blanket, surrounded by rose petals, was her lover.

A part of her brain knew he was light years away, on a separate assignment, but she pushed that thought aside in favor of the reality being presented to her in that moment.  Then she was in his arms, lying against him, feeling his heat and tasting his mouth.  Oh, the glorious kisses they shared.   Limbs intertwined, their bodies found each other, found mutual need, fed mutual desire.

All too soon, her time in the booth was up.  Someone else would be waiting impatiently, eager to visit their favorite people and places, to briefly leave the monotony of their long mission behind.  With habitual efficiency, she wiped down the equipment, smirking at the damp spot where she’d been sitting.

Leaving the booth, she nodded to Sally, no doubt eager to go horseback riding or work in her garden.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone else, standing in an alcove nearby but she was preoccupied with reliving the moments on the beach to pay him much attention.   She leaned against the window across the hall, watching the stars with unseeing eyes, still on that beach, with him, his body pressed against her.  In fact, it felt as though she was still in the VR booth, she swore she could smell him, feel his body pressing eagerly against her back.   Then his voice, in her ear, “Love, I am here, this is no dream” she turned, face registering shock and surprise.

“How? But you’re on the survey mission.. what are you doing here?”

He reached for her, pulling her against him, kissing her deeply, “I’m here, that’s what matters.  Happy birthday, my love.”

The weather is ridiculous lately, and completely typical for this part of the country.  There’s a saying around here that if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and it’ll change.  Lately, that has been accurate.  The other day, after hours of weather switching from rain to hail to wind and rain to sunny to windy and back again, it was time for me to get on my bike and ride home.  As I was loading my bike, I looked to the southwest, where our weather typically comes from.  A huge, seriously black cloud was looming over the horizon and even though the sun was shining on me that moment, I knew it would be short lived.  Sure enough, the wind started picking up as I stuffing my rain pants and jacked into my pannier.  I felt the threat in the cooler moister air, the cloud mass taunted me “You can’t get home before I dump on you…”

I accepted the challenge with a goofy grin and the promise of a warm dry towel once I got home.

About halfway home, the lead edges of the cloud bank caught me, but only delivered the faintest trace of moisture.  I’m sure I had a somewhat insane expression on my face as I pushed myself up the hill, ignoring the burning sensation in my thighs and lungs.  The final four miles I could feel clouds hanging over me, but that just spurred me on.  I made it home dry except for the sweat pouring off my body.

That night I worked later than usual, if I’d ridden home at my regular time, I’d have been hailed on.

bonding over music with ElderSpawn

I surprised and thrilled my ElderSpawn this weekend when I brought home Micheal Jackson’s Off the Wall and The Essential Michael Jackson.  She’s been asking for Michael Jackson music for her Shuffle and one night we searched through our vinyl trying to find the copy of Off the Wall I bought while in high school (we haven’t found it yet, must be misfiled).  The other day she asked again if we had any MJ on cd so she could listen to it on the boombox in the family room.

I found it while shopping at Target.  Not only did I want to introduce her to that particular album, which I’ve always loved as my favorite MJ album, I wanted it on my iPod as well.  When I told her that I’d bought the CDs, she went into paroxysms of glee.  Once again, I am the Best Parent Ever.

what’s up with Little Bit?

Little Bit is up and around, movin’ and groovin’, shakin’ and bakin’.  I call her our ‘little homewrecker’ in jest, but there are times when she seems hell bent on tearing it up.  She rattles on the baby gates, clearly testing their ability to hold her back.  She pushes chairs around the dining room, hooting and calling out excitedly when they crash into the table or each other.  She pushes anything she can to see if it will move, or rattle, or make some kind of noise.  And if she can make noise, she does it with enthusiasm.  She’s quite entertaining at this stage, but if she’s testing limits this vigorously at 10 months, well.. we’ve got our work cut out for us.

I love the relationship ElderSpawn and Little Bit have.  ES is up before we are on weekends and will cheerfully retrieve her sister from our bed, going into the living room to play with her so we can sleep in.  That is priceless and we especially noticed it when ES was at my parent’s house for an overnight a few weekends ago.  We hosted ElderSpawn’s soccer team party last weekend and I’m telling you, the mutual fascination between the 4th grade girls and Little Bit was awesome to behold.  They gathered in a circle around her, and then she began making the rounds on their laps.  LB always watches her big sister very closely, clearly taking mental notes on how to be a big girl.  She was in big girl heaven on Saturday, watching them as they talked to each other, interacted and goofed off.

poly is hard

I know, you’re thinking, “Ok, Captain Obvious, we’ve heard this before” and you’re right, you’ve heard it before and you’re gonna hear it again.  Poly is hard and adding long distance on top of it makes it almost too hard sometimes.   Being so far away from Roxy, physically, means I can’t do the simple things to help her through hard days.  I can’t hold her while she cries, I can’t kiss her and let her feel my strength.  Yes, it’s hard to be apart from each other sexually, but I think it’s far more painful to be this far away when she’s hurting emotionally.  My instinct is always to fix it, to offer solutions, to try to downplay the bad in favor of the good.  These are not great responses when I can’t materially make anything better or pitch in to solve the problems, or even hold her and let her know it’s going to be OK.  Believe me, I’ve pushed the limits on sending hugs, kisses, love and support via text and voice, but sometimes it’s not enough.

One of the big changes I’m trying to make is to hold off on instinctual responses to her being in crises.  Instead of proposing solutions, I need to listen.  She needs to be validated, heard, supported.  I also sometimes get into a defensive posture, trying to explain something I did that hurt her feelings or was taken in a way I didn’t intend.  That’s not helpful in the moment either.  That kind of explanation can wait.  I have a sticky note on my desk that says “Don’t Panic, Just Listen” and I’m still working on internalizing that philosophy.  Panic leads to defensiveness, justification, dramatic rescue attempts, it doesn’t help me be a better more supportive partner.

In my relationship with Roxy and Mrs. Kyle, I’m still learning to not panic, to stop and listen. The need to rescue, to fix the problem, to make the bad stuff go away quickly and without being asked was trained into me starting in childhood.  My mom can get pretty dramatic and was very passive-aggressive and narcissistic.  If she sighed in a certain way, it was a signal that we kids needed to respond to instantly.  Mrs. Kyle has tried, over the years, to train that out of me, insisting that sometimes she just needs to blow off steam and that I’m not expected to act until she explicitly asks.  Unfortunately, now that we’re in BabyLand, the Land of Sleep Deprivation, I’ve had to switch back to anticipating needs and meeting them before she asks.  Sometimes she’s just too tired or hormonally scrambled to remember to ask.

Reading back through this, I’m not sure it all makes sense, but I’m sleep deprived too and there is a danger I’ll just blather on and on without a point sometimes.  One point is that poly is hard, long distance poly is really hard and anything you try to do while sleep deprived is the hardest of all.  Even if it’s just wrapping up a blog post.

Take care, y’all…

photo courtesy of Lila

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #14? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Answers with an Agenda 1- Fisting – Once you’ve gotten started using two fingers for a bit, then it is time to build until four fingers are sliding in and out of the person, and you are on your way.

Gagged – I think it’s got to be a combination… fingers sliding into your cunt, a merciless tease of your clit, and yes, it’s going to have to be, lining my cock up with your ass.

Mine – I feel you stir beneath me as I create a rhythm, your breathing changing growing more shallow as you slip from sleep into arousal. My eyes lift to yours as you smile and try to move your arms and then freeze.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Puppet Master – When I was right next to them and they still did not notice, I put my lips to his ear (loud music, you know) and whispered “Touch her boobs, I bet she’d like that” and I backed up a foot.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Shaping Some Limits - “If you ever did that to me, I promise you would never see me again”.Those words were spoken to me this past weekend by my pet during one of our overnight dates. The subject was face slapping.

See also: Pleasurists #77 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

12 Licks of the Tawse

A Canvas for Pain

Best Friends

Fetish: What’s Yours?

Needles and Cock Choking

One Couple’s Journey into Kink, part 2

Pieces of Skin and Bone

Please hurt me unbearably, you fucking fucker!

Ssssh…

The Taskmaster’s Whip

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A (Short) Ode to Uncut Cocks

Compersive Vanillas?

How Fear can Lead to Understanding and Trust

I am not a rapist…

Mother’s Day Gift

On threesomes

On Friendship

Playing Nice On The Swingset

Tyler and Holly Give Swing Clubs Another Chance

The Virgin in the Family/Do Not Enter

third person

Whacking For America

Erotic Writing

26 minutes

A Request For Help

Are you willing, Are You?

A Squirting Experience

All Dressed Up – The Party ….part 2

Beginning

Book Orgasm

Dhanurasana

Flesh for Fantasy

Filled

Getting Lost in the Forest

Guest Post: Truck

Go Habs Go Domme Style

hotel window

How Do I Find You Sexy?

I’ll Be Waiting

Jim and Lisa

Keeping It In The Family

Mind the Gap

My Sluttiest Moment

My First Blowjob

Me, Myself & My Clit

Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got A Headache (Part 2)

Pure, Unadulterated Desire

Predatory

rhythm

Something Different

slumber interruptis

therapy session #1

Wanton Wednesday- Fuck-toy

Wednesday Night Blues

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Eden Fantasys Newbie Help Guide

What the fuck, EdenFantasys?

Workshops and More at the ALCC

Note:  this list has been moved to a page of its own and will be updated over time, please check it out.

The other day, I realized I had a hunger for new butch blogs to read.  So I started trolling blogrolls and then realized ‘butch’ doesn’t cover all of what I’m looking for.  What really peaks my interest are people talking about and living outside the gender binary.  Though I started with a blogroll category of “Butches to Watch Out For”, I’ve changed that to “Bend it like …” because what I’m really trying to get at is the gender bending, defying the default gender system in favor of something that works for all of us.

I always feel a thrill when I find new blogs where the authors are exploring gender, pushing the envelope and redefining the definitions.  Because my personal exploration is being done from the perspective of someone who started life female, bloggers who are on similar journeys appeal to me.  I want to compare notes, I want to find new words, new ways of describing the smell, taste, sound and feeling of female-born masculinity.  I now have a pretty good collection, some are friends I’ve met or chatted with, some are blogs I’ve found through the blogrolls of others.  In each case, I’ve found s0me kind of kinship, something I can relate to and learn from.

It’s kind of funny that in the midst of building up my list of butches and others who bravely break stereotypes every day in diverse situations and lives, I found that ridiculous WikiHow article on How to Be a Butch.  Clearly, the authors of that article haven’t met very many butches.  I’m not going to be foolish enough to write a How To guide for butches, but I do invite you to visit these and look for others.

• Sugarbutch Chronicles:  my gateway into the world of butch blogging and one of the most popular blogs around.  Sinclair Sexsmith’s blog is your guide to sex toys, gender awareness and butch sexuality.  After stalking Sinclair through blog posts and twitter for a long time, was happy to finally meet her in person at the New York Sex Bloggers Calendar Party last November.  Over two years ago, when I discovered Sugarbutch Chronicles, what first caught my attention was the idea of butch erotic writing, which eventually led to the existence of Butchtastic.  Sinclair lent support, practical advice and encouragement and has been a great source of inspiration.  Sinclair tweets as @mrsexsmith.
• Packing Vocals:  Holden is one of my favorite butch erotic writers, a family guy, a snappy dresser and a good friend.  Married to one of my favorite femmes, Femmeismygender, Holden tweets as @packingvocals.
• NattNightly:  Natt isn’t blogging as much anymore, but if you love beautiful writing and honest accounts of self-discovery and gender, it’s worth your time to read through the archives.  I’ve been moved to tears more than once, from the sheer painful rawness of some stories and also from a severe case of writer’s envy.  Having met and spent time with this super cool, super smart butch, I can say without question, Natt is very tall and is a lot of fun to hang out with.   Natt tweets as @nattnightly.
• Just Like Jesse James:  This Seattle butch is an unabashed Cher fan and will also discourse at length on the virtues of the Golden Girls, if you just give her half a chance.  Jesse blogs about Cher, life with her girlfriend and dog and the various other critters who inhabit their lives.  Another blogger I’ve had the good fortune to meet and hang out with in real life, we live close enough to do it again, and we’re gonna, so watch out world.   Jesse James tweets as @justjessejames.
• Mina Meow/Aiden Fyre:  Depending on when you meet this blogger you might think.. “Wow, hot femme” or “Mmmgrrr, who’s that sexy boi?” and you wouldn’t be wrong either way.  Mina/Aiden is exploring gender thoroughly and with the kind of bravery, poise and intelligence we all should aspire to.  This blogger writes about gender, sexual politics and how it all fits into the life of a “try-sexual”.  I count it as one of the high points of my life that I’ve shared a deep passionate kiss with this hot and sexy blogger (and watched a make-out session with my girlfriend — yes, you should envy me).  Follow on twitter as @aidenfyre and/or @minameow.
• Butch GirlCat:  Leo McCool isn’t blogging anymore but he was one of the first butch bloggers I gravitated to and fell in love with.  Leo’s sometimes heart-wrenchingly honest stories about love, relationships and the journey to find his gender home are a must read for anyone else trying to find their way between the gender poles.
• X-Ray Introductions:  I first became aware of Arron when he was my secret Santa recipient and I sent him a cool metal studded belt and belt buckle.  I finally met Arron during a visit to see Roxy in San Francisco.  Over the years, I’ve enjoyed Arron’s video product reviews and stories about life.  Arron tweets as @amok_.
• The Freezing Flames:  Firebolt is a genderqueer youth living in India, dealing with the challenges of a family that doesn’t get it in a society that really doesn’t get it.  Firebolt is way ahead of where I was at that age, and living under much more trying circumstances, and has my unswerving admiration as a result. Tweets as @fireboltx.
• Bren Ryder:  Bren is the butch creative genius behind GoodDykePorn and as such, deserves our unending gratitude.   Bren works hard to produce real, hot, queer porn with real queers.   Bren is someone I know I’ll get to meet someday in RL, and I’m really looking forward to that.  Bren tweets as @brenryder.
• Jess I Am:  Jess is courageous, thoughtful and honest in telling the story of how he went from being a butch to a transman.  Life has handed him a lot of challenges in the past couple of years, but with his wife, Tina, at his side, he’s handled those challenges with grace and strength.  I almost had the privilege of meeting these two during my trip to NYC, but it didn’t work out, but I have a very strong feeling we’ll all meet up at some point in RL.  Jess tweets as @JessIAmBlog.
• How to Be Butch:  One of the newer blogs on my reader, Harrison doesn’t really try to tell you how to be butch, because, as the banner says “There’s more than one way”.  Instead, you get some fun and insightful posts on Harrison’s exploration of butchness and gender and life.    Harrison tweets as @HarrisonTB.
• Sartorial Butch:  A blog about butch fashion, the culinary arts and all around butch goodness.  Another of my newer blog habits, SartorialButch is now featured on Butch-Femme.com and tweets as @SartorialButch.
• She Called Me Superman:  Yondergen’s blog tagline is “writing myself down so I can be found, or followed” and that’s really the goal of most of us who blog, isn’t it?  Yondergen explores the butch-masculine-queer gender mix that is the heart of the matter for me as well.  Plus baking, relationships, the quandaries of how to express and understand it all.
• Musings from the High Speed Rodeo:  Rhett’s writing is rapid and rhythmic, filled with great observations, honesty and humor.  Rhett is the Asphalt Cowboy, go on over there, y’all, you’re in for a great ride.
• Can I Help You, Sir?:  Going by the initial, G, this butch blogs about gender, butchness and identity.  G tweets as @canihelpyousir and has (had?) a regular feature called the Swoon List.
• Lesbian Dad:  I’ve had the Lesbian Dad on my reader for a long time.  LD writes about her family, posts the sweetest pictures of her daughter and son and talks about parenting, politics and popular culture.  My Suburban Butch Dad Reports were inspired by the Lesbian Dad.   Follow her tweets @LesbianDad.
• The Butchelor:  another brave, honest blog from the perspective of a butch lesbian starting to come out as trans.  Even though I’m not trans, I find myself relating to guys like this who are born in a body that doesn’t completely match who they are on the inside.   It’s personal, it’s real, you should check it out.  Tweets as @thebutchelor.
• Break It Down, Butch:  a blog I’ve discovered recently written by a butch who isn’t afraid to get it all out there.  I appreciate the passion and honesty of this blogger and look forward to reading more.
• Transitional Life (Life in Transition):  Emmett takes us on his journey from butch to trans complete with family drama, changes brought on by testosterone, new names and the other challenges of life.  Emmett is a lovely guy, wonderful with animals (he’s a vet tech) and people (especially kids, kids love him) and I wish him all the best as he continues on his journey.  He’s got a YouTube channel, labradork1 where he’s been tracking the changes brought on by his transition.  Emmett tweets as @friendtopups.
• Butch Boo:  BB is one of my earliest readers, a Brit Butch Blogger in London who recently posted a lovely grouping of pictures featuring butch footwear.
• A Gender Queer View:  Natasha Yar-Routh’s place on the web.  A married gender queer trans-woman who posts short little nuggets of political observation and thoughts on life.  Tweets as @xiomberg.
• Gender Me Softly:  The only couple-authored blog on my list, this blog is brand new, they just started this month.  T. J.  and Rhylee Flint share love, lives and blog space.  Thad is a butch, likes the word ‘queer’ (so do I) and enjoys cultivating a masculine look through binding and packing.  Rhylee is a queer female who’s exploring her gender and gender expression from a more femme perspective.
• Gender Outlaw:  this is a blog chronicling Joshua Riverdale’s  FTM journey.  Even though transitioning isn’t for me, I’ve learned a lot from his blog entries, videos and tweets, and appreciate his wit and intelligence.  If you are curious about transitioning, or looking for genderqueer related resources (think binding, packing, etc), consider this blog and his website, transguys.com, as great starting points for the personal stories and resources.  He’s got some of the best sideburns ever.. I’m totally having some envy over those.  Josh tweets as @transguys.
• Genderfork:  this is a community blog, who’s mission is to support community for the expression of identities across the gender spectrum.  They tweet as @genderfork and post profiles of genderqueer/fluid/variant folks.
• Get Off My Lawn:  wow.. now that’s a pretty grumpy blog title.  Read the About Me and see a lot of bullet points.. this blogger loves bullet points, and was highly influenced by popular culture icons such as Matlock, Hank Hill and Mulder and Scully.  As grumpy as the blog title is, I find this blogger highly amusing and fun to read, go check it out and see if you feel the same way.  Tweets as @benjamin_bex.
• Just a Big Guy with a Fun Sense of Sin:  S. Bear Bergman’s Live Journal.  I got to see Bear on a book reading tour with Ivan Coyote, and bought his book “The Nearest Exit May be Behind You” that night.  Bear is a transman, new father and a gifted story teller.  Bear tweets as @sbearbergman.
• Visibly Transparent:  Bear’s husband, Ishai, has a Live Journal as well.  He carried their son Stanley and I can relate to his stories about the fertility clinic, pregnancy, birth and parenting.
• Love Kills Slowly (tumblr):  tumblr account of Val, known on twitter as @rugby8.  Val posts pictures of sexy women, and the occasional quote.
• somewhere in the middle:  Nezu says it best “This is my place for looking at the middle ground of gender identity and sexual preference. And who knows, probably other stuff, too.”  I’ve just begun to explore this writer’s musings about butchness, gender, identity and relationships.
• TG Stone Butch Journal:   Corey Alexander is a well-known queer kink/sex educator and writer.  He can be found all over the country at conferences teaching and speaking on topics as diverse as polyamory, butch faggot play, stone sexuality and a myriad of other topics around gender and sexuality.  Corey tweets as @tgstonebutch, look for his queer BDSM erotica under the nom de plum, Xan West.
• The Man Sam:  Son of T:  Former female Sam Peterson tells all in this blog about transition.  Looking forward to his chest reconstruction surgery thanks to ChestFest2010, Matt is wonderfully honest, funny and self-deprecating — a combination I particularly enjoy.  Follow him on twitter as @ThaManSam.
• Transfaggotry:  Faggot Boi blogs about pronoun anxiety, leaving the lesbian identity behind, and other topics around becoming trans.
• Transifesto:  Matt Kailey’s place on the web.  Matt shares information and his thoughts on transgender and transsexual issues.  He’s a nationally recognized speaker and author on transgender issues and tweets as @MattKailey.
• Androgynanomous: DPR (Dread Pirate Roberts) is the sweetheart of one of my favorite online people, Scintillectual.  DPR just started blogging not long ago, but has already established a rhythm with poetry, musings on gender and sweet, sensual tributes to her lover.  Tweets as @dread_pyrate.

This is the list so far, I like the length and heft of it (heh!) and I really like the diversity.  The bloggers on this list have a stories to tell, experiences to share and I will continue to learn a lot from them.  The breadth of this group, from the more female identified butch to the more male identified trans, meet the needs I have to explore the many facets and identities within me.  There are some super smart people on this list, and funny too… great writers, open-hearted honest people, sometimes frustrated, but trying to make the world a better place for themselves and others.   It may be hubris on my part to count myself as one of them, but these people have nurtured, coached and supported my journey as well.  Even if we don’t make the same decisions, or come to the same conclusions, we’re all asking the same kind of questions, and questioning the same assumptions.

I encourage you to visit these blogs, read their stories and add them to your regular rotation if they appeal to you.  And if I’ve left someone out, someone you think would fit into this list, please be so kind as to introduce me to them.

Osbasso, father of Half-Nekkid Thursday, is celebrating the 5th anniversary of this well loved weekly feature.  He’s asked us to find our first HNT and reprise it, if we can.   My first HNT was posted on November 6th, 2008.

Ahhhh, the first time.. you remember how it was, right? You’re fresh and innocent and enthusiastic. You think you know what you’re doing, but you’re a little shy about going all the way. And from such innocent beginnings I’ve printed pictures of myself with my girlfriends, exposed portions of my anatomy that I don’t normally want to look at myself, posted pictures of myself mid fuck. But, in the spirit of the day, I give you my bicep and hairy armpit.

As you can see, not much has changed, I’m as innocent and shy as I ever was.

Happy HNT, y’all

To see all the other HNT posts for the day, go to Views from the Back Row, from whence the HNT goodness has come.

Harrison has a great blog called ‘How to Be Butch’ but that’s not what I’m going to talk about in this post.  Instead I’m going to point and laugh, and even cry a little, at an article on WikiHow called ‘How to be a Butch‘. Yes, that’s right.. Now, anyone can be a butch if you just follow these easy to understand directions!  I bet you never knew it could be this easy!!

Argggg…. TheButchCaucus tweeted the link on twitter last night and we had a good time mocking the article, and it is very mock-worthy.  It’s also kind of sad, in a ‘it’s pathetic that anyone would think there’s actually an instruction set for how to be butch’ kind of way.

This article doesn’t strike me as something written from a butch perspective.  It sounds more like something written by a woman attracted to butch-ish women of a certain type.  Not too aggressive, has to be fashionable, have to have money for shopping.. yeah, really.  Here are some ‘highlights’:

On developing masculine mannerisms:

• Walk with more confidence and stride. Don’t slouch or sit with your legs together. Watch the way men move and move like them. Try to only copy more of the popular guys, when observing them think, is this guy cool?  [Ok.. so are we in high school?  The 'popular guys' line is kind of a give away]

There’s quite a lot of advice about fashion, in fact there is a major emphasis on the supposed butch look:

• Shoes. You really only need 3 pairs: comfy shoes, dress shoes and boots. [totally disagree on that limitation]
• Accessories. Get a few belts and a nice watch (go for a neutral color). A chain to wear around your neck can look handsome.  [snerk.. ok, really?  that's all for butch-cessories?]

What about the habits of a true butch?

• Be active. Try to get into a sport or just work out. Be proud of your body and its strengths. Looking attractive and gaining muscle can also be a benefit.  [sorry all you non-athletic types, you don't get to be butch, sorry... without the muscles, you just won't be attractive enough]

The tips are priceless, among them:

• Don’t hate men or straight people. This makes you sink to the level of homophobes. In fact, don’t hate anyone at all.  [wow, butches aren't haters.. at all!  Ever!]
• Be nice. “Angry lesbians” do not attract friends, get good jobs or get girlfriends. Friendly lesbians, on the other hand, do all of these things very well. [I dunno, I'm starting to hate the people who wrote and edited this article]
• If you are trying to be gentleman-like, do be courteous to men within reason. [hmmm.. but what if they don't like it?  Would it be OK to hate them then?]

See the pattern?  Be nice!  No one wants to be around an angry, mean butch.. it just wouldn’t be attractive or fashionable.   And judging by the picture used to illustrate this article, you should also not be older, unattractive, or in any way not a pretty boi (no disrespect intended to pretty bois, y’all are luscious) .

It’s ludicrous, of course, to think that a list of bullet points is going to capture the essence of being butch in all it’s multi-faceted, diverse glory.  Those of us who are butch know it’s an identity formed within that, in a lot of cases, shows up on the outside eventually.  This may sound harsh, but I think if someone is reading an article like that thinking they can be butch by following a set of instructions, they aren’t.  The final section of the article is “Things you’ll need”,  with one, laughable bullet point:  some money for shopping.  I think the final item should be, “Sense enough to know that this is not how to be a butch”.

I think Harrison sums it up butch reality very nicely

“How to Be Butch … Hint:  there’s more than one way”