Comments on: How many is too many? http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643 An artful blend of good guy and bad boy, the gentleman rogue, the bad boy who makes good... Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:32:35 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: A Pervy Survey « Divergent Dance http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4723 A Pervy Survey « Divergent Dance Sat, 09 Jan 2010 06:00:53 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4723 [...] one now. (You can read why it’s gone back down to one on Kyle’s blog.) It’s my life partnership with Emmett. And yeah, we’re kinky with each other when we [...] [...] one now. (You can read why it’s gone back down to one on Kyle’s blog.) It’s my life partnership with Emmett. And yeah, we’re kinky with each other when we [...]

]]> By: One, Two, Three, Poly « Spicy with a touch of sweetness http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4702 One, Two, Three, Poly « Spicy with a touch of sweetness Fri, 08 Jan 2010 23:16:42 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4702 [...] for him or wishing it could have been different. I read another post by a wonderful blogger – Kyle – and he said some things that made a lot of sense. Sometimes you have to let go – [...] [...] for him or wishing it could have been different. I read another post by a wonderful blogger – Kyle – and he said some things that made a lot of sense. Sometimes you have to let go – [...]

]]> By: Essin' Em http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4665 Essin' Em Thu, 07 Jan 2010 18:08:04 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4665 Thank you for this. I am non-monogamous, but I've realized I have neither the time nor energy to be sexually polyamorus (loving many). I love Q, and I love my closest three friends, and my leather family, and my play partners. Which means I don't have time or energy to have another primary, or even a secondary. It took me a while on this one, but I figured it out last spring. So we re-negotiated. I can shoot porn, and play kink wise in scenes...but I'm not going to date anyone else. Between the blog, work 40 hours a week, presenting classes, writing sexuality stuff for other sites, etc, Q and I have a hard enough time. I can't fathom making a sexual-relationship commitment to anyone else, knowing I'd fail. <blockquote>well, there you go. You and I (and others, I'm sure) can imagine loving others deeply, being committed.. we have the skills, surely. The breaking point is time and energy. I didn't want to continue with a relationship that I knew wasn't getting my best effort, Amber deserves better than that and so do I. It's easy to get caught up in the attraction of quantity, but I'm going to work hard on quality from now on. thanks for asking the question and for chiming in with your own experiences </blockquote> Thank you for this.

I am non-monogamous, but I’ve realized I have neither the time nor energy to be sexually polyamorus (loving many). I love Q, and I love my closest three friends, and my leather family, and my play partners. Which means I don’t have time or energy to have another primary, or even a secondary. It took me a while on this one, but I figured it out last spring.

So we re-negotiated. I can shoot porn, and play kink wise in scenes…but I’m not going to date anyone else. Between the blog, work 40 hours a week, presenting classes, writing sexuality stuff for other sites, etc, Q and I have a hard enough time. I can’t fathom making a sexual-relationship commitment to anyone else, knowing I’d fail.

well, there you go. You and I (and others, I’m sure) can imagine loving others deeply, being committed.. we have the skills, surely. The breaking point is time and energy. I didn’t want to continue with a relationship that I knew wasn’t getting my best effort, Amber deserves better than that and so do I. It’s easy to get caught up in the attraction of quantity, but I’m going to work hard on quality from now on.

thanks for asking the question and for chiming in with your own experiences

]]> By: pixie http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4664 pixie Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:45:48 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4664 It's great that not only do you share this kind of stuff, but that you recognize it, and can work through the real emotions and feelings in order to share it with us. Im so glad you've been able to find a way to maintain the friendship with Amber and to have found; acknowledged your own limits in order to have healthy relationships :) You are a beautiful person and it shows through and through in all your post ! It’s great that not only do you share this kind of stuff, but that you recognize it, and can work through the real emotions and feelings in order to share it with us. Im so glad you’ve been able to find a way to maintain the friendship with Amber and to have found; acknowledged your own limits in order to have healthy relationships :) You are a beautiful person and it shows through and through in all your post !

]]> By: Scintillectual http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4662 Scintillectual Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:07:59 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4662 *major hugs* to both of you. I love and respect you both and I knew, instinctively, that things had not worked out the way you had both hoped. Sometimes it is far better to realize your limitations. We can stretch ourselves only so much and in not wanting to hurt the other, we end up hurting them more. xoxo *major hugs* to both of you. I love and respect you both and I knew, instinctively, that things had not worked out the way you had both hoped. Sometimes it is far better to realize your limitations. We can stretch ourselves only so much and in not wanting to hurt the other, we end up hurting them more. xoxo

]]> By: saintchick http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4659 saintchick Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:51:47 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4659 That was an amazing answer/post. It takes a huge person to see something for what it is, and to not hold the other back when all you wanna do is keep that person close and yours.. xox That was an amazing answer/post. It takes a huge person to see something for what it is, and to not hold the other back when all you wanna do is keep that person close and yours.. xox

]]> By: sweetspiced http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643&cpage=1#comment-4658 sweetspiced Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:08:42 +0000 http://www.butchtastic.net/?p=2643#comment-4658 You've hit the nail on the head yet again hun. I've wrestled with this a LOT since many of the people I interact with on twitter are poly. I'm definitely attracted to several - but it doesn't usually go into the "hung up on" stage so it's all good. I can handle being a play partner to someone - or just a flirtation never meant to see the light of day - as long as I know I fit in .. somewhere. But I had to put a stop to something I really wanted (maybe he wasn't going anywhere and it was all me) because I realized he had so many relationships going already and was comfortable with adding more, but I wasn't. There has to be SOME commitment to time and working on growing a relationship - with friends/playmates - that's not such a big deal. But you have to have time for more. (way too long a post for a comment grin) But really what I wanted to say is you're so smart, and what I said today on twitter was dead-on - your mind is what attracts people to you first (the sexiness keeps us hooked though). I like you, but more than that I admire you and really appreciate all the things you have to say - about poly and being butch and everything. Thanks Kyle, for being you. You’ve hit the nail on the head yet again hun. I’ve wrestled with this a LOT since many of the people I interact with on twitter are poly. I’m definitely attracted to several – but it doesn’t usually go into the “hung up on” stage so it’s all good. I can handle being a play partner to someone – or just a flirtation never meant to see the light of day – as long as I know I fit in .. somewhere. But I had to put a stop to something I really wanted (maybe he wasn’t going anywhere and it was all me) because I realized he had so many relationships going already and was comfortable with adding more, but I wasn’t. There has to be SOME commitment to time and working on growing a relationship – with friends/playmates – that’s not such a big deal. But you have to have time for more.

(way too long a post for a comment grin) But really what I wanted to say is you’re so smart, and what I said today on twitter was dead-on – your mind is what attracts people to you first (the sexiness keeps us hooked though). I like you, but more than that I admire you and really appreciate all the things you have to say – about poly and being butch and everything. Thanks Kyle, for being you.

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