The thirteenth of each month, SWW and I add a notch in our relationship belt. Â One month, two, three, four months… it’s now been six.
This love affair started while I was still sifting through the ashes of heartbreak. Â Not the most auspicious way to begin a new love, and I was skeptical at first, unsure if I was on the right footing for a new beginning. Â Interesting thing about hearts is they don’t see the contradiction in being heartbroken while falling in love. Â Though SWW was certain of her feelings and her desire to explore a relationship with me, I was hesitant. Â What if I was just reacting impulsively from a place of hurt and sadness? Â I valued SWW’s friendship and personhood enough that I didn’t want to start down the relationship path and decide at a later date that I’d acted hastily.
She was patient, well, no, she wasn’t but she was willing to give me time. Â She was a race car revving its engine at the starting line. Â She told me that once I gave her the green light, she was coming for me at full speed. Â I remember how my heart raced even as a part of it was walled off, scared and defensive.
I sent her an email without words, just an image:
And then it was on like Donkey Kong.
In the last six months, a lot has happened. Â SWW moved into a sweet little apartment in Olympia, became a part of my family, became buddies with my wife and our love has blossomed, deepened and become essential to life.
I have had great love affairs with amazing people and this is somehow deeper, safer, more of adventure than any of them. Â Perhaps it’s a matter of timing and where I am now in my life. Â I feel more capable of this kind of love than I did in the past. Â And by ‘capable’ I mean, patient and solid and more in charge of my shit. Â Also, less likely to pick up the other person’s baggage and own it.
When I got together with SWW, I felt wide open and stripped down to my essentials. Â Heartbreak will do that to me, like a cleansing fire. Â I was unwilling to be anything but the person I am, flaws and all, with all my messy bits on display. Â Having lost in such an epic way at love, I felt I had nothing more to lose at that moment so why not just be me? Â I wasn’t trying to be my best self, it was enough to try to find my center again and hold that. It was enough not to let the waters close over my head.
She loved me just the way I was, right where I was and I did the same with her. Â She’d also been through some rough emotional business and was working through the aftermath of a relationship. Â It was one of those situations where a rational person might say, “Hold on, you’re both coming out of relationships… are you ready to jump in again?” Â Apparently, we were ready. Â The song by Ed Sheeran, “Thinking Out loud”, has some very applicable lyrics, it’s one of our songs:
… people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe it’s all part of a plan…. we found love right where we are
When she told me she loved me, on our first date, 6 months ago today, I was scared. Â I told her so. Â I also told her that I’d fallen in love with her, too. Â I was afraid of the timing, that I wasn’t being rational and that I’d hurt her. Â I was scared I wouldn’t do it right, wouldn’t give her enough – that’s happened enough times before. Â She took my face in her hands and said, “I will take everything you can give me and not one bit more.”
She’s repeated it since, reminding me that I’m not letting her down when I spend time with my wife, family and other friends. Â Reminding me that she loves me right where I am. Â This is a love we can sustain, a love we can build on and though it is a hot, sexy, fiery love, it’s not going to burn out any time soon.
She’s amazing, my lover is. Â She’s sexy as hell, mentally sharp and with a wicked streak that makes me hard and soft at the same time. Â She is really, really, really good at sex. Â Like me, she contains a multitude of facets and we combine in some amazing and surprising ways. Â We keep finding new kinks to share with each other. Â She’s the closest I’ve found to a full match to my sexual, kinky, mental, emotional, spiritual needs. Â She knows me more deeply than anyone on the planet, and yes, that’s saying a lot and I don’t say it lightly. Â Again, a lot of this is about timing. Â I have come to a place in my life where I feel more whole than I every have before and I am more able to give deeply from all that I am and it turns out she is the perfect recipient.
Typically by the four to six month mark, cracks have begun to appear, indications of conflict that will either break the relationship up or be the big issue we have to work through. Â We haven’t had those. Â We’ve had some things come up and we immediately work through them. Â One reason for that is that neither of us is carrying the others baggage. Â We are both pretty good at sitting in witness while the other vents or works through a conflict they have with someone else knowing that it’s not our problem to solve. Â This is very different for me. Â My White Knight seems to be enjoying his retirement.
We are compatible sexually, we turn each other on mentally and our souls are at home with each other. Â On top of that, she and my wife like each other and that’s made a huge difference. Â I don’t have the extra burden of managing their relationship or interactions. Â They have their own relationship and it’s not mine to manage. Â And yeah, this is another manifestation of me feeling whole and secure in myself. Â My insecurity is at an all-time low and that sets the stage for wonderful things.
I can’t believe it’s only been six months. Â It feels like we’ve always known each other. Â Maybe we have. Â Maybe this is one in a long line of lives where we’ve been able to connect. Â Whatever the reason, she feels like home to me. Â Life is good, y’all. Â We stand at six months and look out onto an eternity of future love together.
Â Switchy Witchy Woman… my love, thank you for the past six months, for your faith in us and your strength in speaking your truth every time. Â Thank you for being my best friend and safe harbor. Â Thank you for being someone I can trust, that trust gets deeper every day. Â Thank you for being someone I can relax and be in the moment with, those moments are what I cherish. Â Thank you for seeing me. Â Thank you for allowing me to see you. Â I love you, seriously excited to see what our next six months brings – <3 Kyle
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