Yes, My Love, It Was Beautiful

She asked me, in a voice full of tears, “It was beautiful, wasn’t it?”

We were both crying into our phones, our hearts breaking as it sank in.  She’d just told me that she’d decided to pursue monogamy with someone else.

Yes, baby, it was beautiful.  You are beautiful and the love we shared was beautiful.

Yes, my love, I meant every word.  Every moment of being inside our love was beautiful, amazing, fulfilling.  I could feel myself expanding to include the universe, every time I looked into your eyes.

Those dreams we shared?  I felt them in my heart and soul, every moment was true.  Those fantasies we cultivated?  I was there with you, fully.

Was it real?  You’ve asked me that more than once.  Yes, my love, it was real.  I felt you moving inside my heart, dancing with my soul.  Every moment we spent loving each other has been completely real.

“Dive deep with me”, you invited, crooking your finger as you swam further into the deep end.  And I followed, it was scary at times, but I wanted to be with you, in those deep secret places you don’t share with everyone.  And I wanted you to be with me, in my deep secret places, blowing the dust off as I showed you my hidden treasures and wounds.

Yes, my sweet love, it was real and it was beautiful. No, I do not regret a moment.  I don’t regret falling in love with you with all of my being.  I know that ultimately you needed more than I could give, but I gave you all I could without reservation.  And I loved every moment of the vulnerability we shared.  No one can take that from us, baby, no one can take what we shared, the love we made together.  It stands as a bright high place in my memory, so bright, so warm and fantastic in it’s depth and breadth.  There’s no reason to give that up, to let go of what we had.  I will keep you in my heart forever.

We are still in love and that’s hard for both of us, because we have to make an effort to move away from that moment to moment intimacy we shared.  The pain is real, too.  Authentic, true and cutting.  This ache will dull over time, sweetheart, and in time it won’t hurt as much to revisit our memories.  We are talking, sharing, loving each other as we work our way out of the daily affirmation of being in love to affirmations of deep friendship.  Your love is so precious to me, I hope you know that, I know it’s hard sometimes.  I do love you and I know you love me. I know you had to make the decision that aligned with your truth.  I honor your truth, I support your decision, I want you to be happy.

This is a challenging time for us.  The wounds still fresh, still so easily stinging over a word or comment.  My hope is that we move forward as dear, loving friends.  I want to be your safe harbor and I dearly wish to keep you to be my confidant.

Yes, my love, it was beautiful and completely ours.  You came into my life like a lightening bolt from a clear sky: singular, unforgettable, incomparable.  There has never been anyone like you in my life and there is no one who can replace or eclipse what we have shared together.

I wish you the best, my sweet, brave Oregon Girl.  Yes, baby, it was beautiful and no one can take that away from us.  I love your courageous heart with all of mine.

Spread your gorgeous wings and fly, my love.  Find your paradise.  I will go on loving you and appreciating the beauty of your flight.

Always.

 

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4 Responses to Yes, My Love, It Was Beautiful

  1. Rev Domme says:

    Ooof. Thank you, this is real.

  2. Witchy Woman says:

    <3 to both of you.

    thank you… for everything – K

  3. Bahstan-bred says:

    <3 My hope for you is that friendship you spoke of. How I wish that for you both. Also, feels: no one can take that beauty away. It was real. It existed. And we have the pain to prove it.

    as someone who has been in my inner circle for a while, you were witness to the realness and the beauty and the ecstasy. I appreciate your witnessing, support and love so much – K

  4. At first I balked at this post and how pubic it is and how exposed it made me feel. But I’ve read this at least dozen times and today posted a sort of response on my blog. It was real and beautiful and a time I will always cherish.

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