I know what works for me

It has become amusing to me that trolls take the time to make comments on my blog that criticize my relationship style.  It’s also pathetic that people get such joy out of the pain and heartbreak of others.  That’s a pretty rich place to stand while criticizing me, I think.

Yeah, my heart got broken, again.  Yeah, it’s happened before.  And yes, it will happen again.  Not because I’m a bad person, not because I’m doing something wrong, not because I’m a promiscuous player.  My heart will break because I don’t hold back when it comes to love, I make full investments and loving that way is risky.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Yes, I have a broken heart over losing Oregon Girl as my lover.  However, I have no regrets.  I do not wish to go back in time and stop myself from falling in love with her.  I do not wish to go back in time and change my decision to be poly.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To embrace poly is to accept risks.  To love big, without hold backs, is not what you do if you are trying to avoid heart break and loss.  However, I have found that my life is much less joyful and worth living when I try to love small.  So I will continue to love big, to take dive into the deep end and take the risks.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Breaking up with someone is not always an indication that what you had wasn’t good.  In fact, I believe she will completely agree with me that what we had was more than good.  It was amazing and deep and intimate and spiritually fulfilling and mentally ecstatic.  It was a meeting of our souls.  I do not regret our relationship for a moment.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I only regret we didn’t have more time.  This is how I love and it works for me.

I don’t know what the trolls definition of promiscuous is, but the slut shaming has got to go.  Yes, I like sex.  I fucking love sex when it’s with someone I have a connection with – mental, physical, emotional, spiritual – and I don’t have to be in love with that person to feel those connections.  Sex feels good, it’s something that feels good to share with someone else.  I’m not going to apologize for enjoying sex with people I’m not married to or in a serious relationship with.  That’s between me and that person, and the rest of the world can fuck off if they have a problem with it.  All that matters to me is connection, desire, mutual consent and mature communication about boundaries and needs.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Am I a player?  What does that even mean?  Do I run around seducing innocent maidens, using them until I become bored and then moving on to the next one?  Nope.  In fact, most of the time, I’m the one who gets broken up with.  And I’m very selective.  I am a guy who loves to fall in love, who loves to fall in lust, who loves to find those mutually beneficial ways to interact with someone else’s body so that each of us feels like we’ve got the better deal.  I love discovering new things with new people.  I love people, so don’t call me a player, I’m a lover but I don’t play with people’s emotions.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To conclude, being poly and sexually adventurous and open to new experiences with new people and loving in big, open-hearted ways and not closing down my life because of heart break is who I am, and it works for me.


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15 Responses to I know what works for me

  1. Panthera Pardus says:

    I would say fuck the trolls, but they don’t deserve a good fucking.

    Unfuck the trolls. You keep being who you are, because you are awesome.

    PANTHERA!!!! Omg, it’s been so long! Where do you hang these days.. email me! And I agree, no reason to waste a fuck on trolls.. K

  2. CK says:

    Trolls aren’t worth your time and energy, but this one got you to reaffirm yourself. That’s worth something.

    “Unfuck the trolls.” 🙂


  3. Anon says:

    Do you ever take responsibility for your actions? Every time you experience a break up you whine and blame shift. You might want to pull your head out of your ass and be a adult instead of a victim. Maybe, you’d have less heartbreak if you owned your shit dude. I used to like this blog when it was mostly smut but the poor me attitude is obnoxious.

    I imagine it must be fun to so smugly presume to know so much based on so very little. K

  4. Anon says:

    If you want people to judge you differently perhaps you should present yourself differently. I’m only bouncing off of what you present.

    And why are you judging at all?

    Gina, You probably won’t take this advice but I’ll give it anyway: stop trying. I have actual friends who actually know me and actually care and I’m getting all the help I need from them and they are all much more highly qualified and informed to call me on my shit. Since you seem to be sad that I’m not just posting erotica anymore, I’d like to suggest that you check out BD Swain’s blog. Lots of excellent erotica there and you won’t be subjected to my whining anymore. A win-win, don’t you think? K

  5. Anon says:

    Because I’m human. It’s how we determine right and wrong for ourselves. For me, your lack of accountability is wrong. And I’m not one to just roll my eyes and click next. I believe in calling out bullshit. Your blog has been powerful and good. But now you are so busy victimizing yourself that you’ve lost your power dude. But, apparently I’m barking up a tree that doesn’t want to shed it’s dead leaves no matter how toxic they are to itself. So go keep whining dude. You’re good at it.

    Gina, you are aware of the smallest slice of what has transpired and led to Oregon Girl and I breaking up. Basically, you don’t have a fucking clue. You don’t know me, you don’t know the full story and you aren’t a friend of mine. So no, I’m not interested in your uninformed interpretation of the events or my reaction to them. I have actual friends and they are the ones I’ll listen to. Your accusations of whining and self-victimizing are really off target. I’ve expressed feelings of loss and pain. – K

    And what is this lack of accountability thing about. I fell in love with someone. The feeling was mutual, we entered into a consensual adult relationship. Due to no fault of my own, she made a choice to break off our relationship and continue with my brother… I never said I was forced to fall in love with her. And there was nothing I could have done to change the course of this. And it hurts to lose a lover. So what the fuck is your issue? K

  6. Kyle says:

    Instead of continuing to poke at me from your smug perch, why don’t you just lay out what you believe to be my issues.. what is it I’m not being accountable for, exactly? And whining.. I have barely posted about the break up and I haven’t gone on and on about poor little me.. if that’s what you call excessive whining, you should really meet my children.. might help you level set a little more realistically… K

  7. Sam says:

    I agree with Gina. And you whine more than you realize. Kyle, you should kill the blog, it’s been boring for a long time. But you’re the last to recognize it.

  8. pandadementia says:

    See, the thing about trolls, Sam, is that they prove that they obviously have no lives by saying shit like that. If this blog was really so boring, why would you continue to read it, or even bother commenting on it? You get your rocks off being an asshole to whomever you can since you have no other source of joy in your life.
    In closing, go unfuck yourselves Gina & Sam.

  9. Evoë Thorne says:

    I personally have the deepest respect for how brave Kyle is to share his emotions in such an amazingly straight-forward way. I think that people who are not used to emotional honesty, self-reflection must seem over indulgent. That’s too bad because dealing with your shit is the best gift you could give to yourself and your partners. Still, I get that intimacy isn’t for everyone, so why not move along? This is not the escape you are looking for.

  10. Panthera Pardus says:

    People seem to feel that they’re entitled to make decisions about others’ craft; and apparently, about others’ emotions as well.

    When you leave confrontational, insulting comments on someone’s blog, it’s the equivalent of walking into their home during a get-together and starting a fight. That’s something most of you wouldn’t do in ‘the real world’, and you shouldn’t do it here. It’s no less rude, and it still shows us the measure of your character.

  11. Roxy says:

    It’s true that you shouldn’t feed the trolls, but I feel like I need to speak up about this. Again.

    Kyle is absolutely correct when he says that other people only know a small slice of the truth. He doesn’t write about 95% of the thoughtful conversations, the loyalty, the love…because he’s a gentleman. He doesn’t expose his lovers to the greedy critics who read his blog, and he always discusses what does get written with his loves ahead of time, because, when he writes from the heart, he writes with authenticity, and opens himself (and his story) up to his readers.

    I agree with Panda here – if this sort of brave self-reflection isn’t interesting to you, there are thousands of other blogs you could choose. If your intent is to hurt Kyle, then you should know that you’re totally missing the mark. Those of us who know him well, know that what you’re saying couldn’t be more wrong.

    The pain in your words is as clear as your attempts to malign. I hope you are able to find your way to peace – anger like that is the poison you take yourself, hoping your enemy will fall. You owe it to yourself to reconsider whether continuing to remain here is your best choice. I’m sure you could find a community of people who would fill you with happiness, instead of frustration.

  12. Bahstan-bred says:

    “I used to like this blog when it was mostly smut,” Anon Troll said. Yet there is smut on this blog, and you have failed to comment on that. Why not? Why only here, on the posts you dislike so much? And why hide behind anonymity? If you feel strongly enough about your opinion to post it here, why not own it by signing your name to it? Your anonymity seems an act of cowardice, especially since this blog is read by many people who actually know the blogger, enjoy reading what is written here, and take exception to your insistence on flaming the very person whose blog you are visiting.

  13. Mic says:

    I don’t know Kyle so all I can go on is the words on the page. These words are and a few others are pretty self-victimizing. Maybe that isn’t who Kyle is but it is how he is writing himself on this blog. I’m sure he’s a great person, he’s certainly shared great things in the past but the comments here, and on other recent posts come off as desperate and disrespectful to someone he claims to love. He’s making himself, his lover, and his brother look bad. This isn’t an attack on him but an observation of his words. When you write a blog you gotta be prepared for the good stuff and the hard stuff. If you don’t want to hear it then maybe don’t invite it in with such public displays. I mean this with much kindness.

    you come here using different emails but the same message. You’re done. I don’t detect a shred of kindness, only self-serving smug superiority. If you actually had anything of value to share, you should have done it a while ago. I have posted very little regarding my brother, my ex-girlfriend and this whole situation. If the little I have posted strikes you as disrespectful, well, it’s bullshit. You either know someone else in this triangle or you are a very very sensitive little flower. Either way, it’s time to move on. I am not interested in your opinion or advice. Yes, this blog is public. Yes, you can keep leaving unwanted comments. Yes, I can delete them. I pay the hosting fees, I pour my heart out here (or sometimes 5% of my heart), I don’t do it to please you or anyone else. I do it for myself because this is how I process. You judgmental tone, in the face of incomplete information, is petty. Move along now. K

  14. Mic says:

    Um. Sorry to have offended you. I certainly didn’t come here to do that. I didn’t cal you names and don’t appreciate being called names. I don’t know you or anyone else involved. Just someone passing through. I’ve got no problem never coming back here. And for the record, this is my only e-mail.

    If you are not the same person who’s been getting on my case, I apologize for the harshness of my response. Your tone was similar enough to the other that I had reason to believe you were the same person. Take care, K

  15. Master Wolf says:

    Who is anyone to judge the life of another – especially when their, (Kyle’s), life and choices do not directly affect them? Shaking head in amazement.

    Kyle, people perceive you based on who THEY are… on their realities, not on who YOU are. I suspect those who claim you to be a perpetual victim, are themselves guilty of the same mindset… and project onto you.

    I feel sorry for people who’s view on life, and others, is so judgmental and negative. And wish for them a life less filled with feeling judged negatively

    Thank you for your support, sir. I know all that but I still have a hard time not reacting to such unjustified negativity. I appreciate your kind words – K

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