I know what works for me

It has become amusing to me that trolls take the time to make comments on my blog that criticize my relationship style.  It’s also pathetic that people get such joy out of the pain and heartbreak of others.  That’s a pretty rich place to stand while criticizing me, I think.

Yeah, my heart got broken, again.  Yeah, it’s happened before.  And yes, it will happen again.  Not because I’m a bad person, not because I’m doing something wrong, not because I’m a promiscuous player.  My heart will break because I don’t hold back when it comes to love, I make full investments and loving that way is risky.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Yes, I have a broken heart over losing Oregon Girl as my lover.  However, I have no regrets.  I do not wish to go back in time and stop myself from falling in love with her.  I do not wish to go back in time and change my decision to be poly.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To embrace poly is to accept risks.  To love big, without hold backs, is not what you do if you are trying to avoid heart break and loss.  However, I have found that my life is much less joyful and worth living when I try to love small.  So I will continue to love big, to take dive into the deep end and take the risks.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Breaking up with someone is not always an indication that what you had wasn’t good.  In fact, I believe she will completely agree with me that what we had was more than good.  It was amazing and deep and intimate and spiritually fulfilling and mentally ecstatic.  It was a meeting of our souls.  I do not regret our relationship for a moment.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I only regret we didn’t have more time.  This is how I love and it works for me.

I don’t know what the trolls definition of promiscuous is, but the slut shaming has got to go.  Yes, I like sex.  I fucking love sex when it’s with someone I have a connection with – mental, physical, emotional, spiritual – and I don’t have to be in love with that person to feel those connections.  Sex feels good, it’s something that feels good to share with someone else.  I’m not going to apologize for enjoying sex with people I’m not married to or in a serious relationship with.  That’s between me and that person, and the rest of the world can fuck off if they have a problem with it.  All that matters to me is connection, desire, mutual consent and mature communication about boundaries and needs.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Am I a player?  What does that even mean?  Do I run around seducing innocent maidens, using them until I become bored and then moving on to the next one?  Nope.  In fact, most of the time, I’m the one who gets broken up with.  And I’m very selective.  I am a guy who loves to fall in love, who loves to fall in lust, who loves to find those mutually beneficial ways to interact with someone else’s body so that each of us feels like we’ve got the better deal.  I love discovering new things with new people.  I love people, so don’t call me a player, I’m a lover but I don’t play with people’s emotions.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To conclude, being poly and sexually adventurous and open to new experiences with new people and loving in big, open-hearted ways and not closing down my life because of heart break is who I am, and it works for me.

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