It seems that I’ve answered this question numerous times over the years but the answer keeps evolving. So when Oregon Girl asked me this morning, I realized that I did have something slightly new to say about it.
It used to mean freedom to pursue sexual relationships with people other than my primary partner. That’s where I was at the time, feeling sexually stifled and in need of a way to explore without losing out on my primary relationship. And I’m no cheater, so poly was the only way to stay honest about what I was doing.
I’ve certainly taken advantage of that freedom over the past 7 years. That freedom has served me well, allowed me to see into myself in ways I only dreamed about in black and white. Though at times heart ache — for myself and others — resulted from my sexual adventures, I can’t regret it all because I gained so much. I do regret hurting others in the process.
That was then and this is now. I’m still interested in sexual exploration but more interested in relationships and connections. I’m interested in quality over quantity.
When Oregon Girl asked me this morning, “What is poly to you then? What is it you want?”, my answer was “Poly is not about fucking everyone I can and having some gigantic score card. It’s about love and relationships and connections.”
Now, I probably wouldn’t have ever said in years past that “Poly is about fucking everyone I can and having a gigantic score card”, but sex and kink explorations were a big part of how I came into poly.
So what changed? Oh I suppose I could say maturity, but that would imply that I’m grown up and mature and I’m not sure that’s what this is about. What really happened was I met someone. I met someone who amazes me every day, who satisfies me on every level, who loves all of me. She is my safe place and the starting point for adventures. She does crazy wonderful amazing things to me sexually and when we’re together, I forget about everything else around us. We went to a concert on Saturday and all I remember is the show – which was awesome – and her. Ask me to describe the people sitting next to us and I can’t.. I mean, I think someone was blond, somewhere nearby. But all I saw was her.
I feel so satisfied and full in our relationship that I have no desire to seek new sexual partners or adventures. She offers plenty of adventures and besides, spending time with her is a pleasure no matter what we are doing. It is totally worth it to spend two hours with her when she’s on her way home from Seattle because spending any time with her doing anything is a peak experience. So, yeah, you get the point. I’m a goner for Oregon Girl. I connect to her on all levels and that’s what I really want now in my life. I want deep, quality connections and that’s what I have with her. I am full and satisfied with the relationships I have now and she is a big part of that. I feel stable and whole and loved and that’s the best thing, that’s what I want from life.
Thank you, baby, for turning my world around and upside down and showing me how amazing it can be to be loved in all the ways.
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