I had the most amazing massage the other night, and not a relaxation massage, this was a therapeutic massage which means I am walking around with sore spots all over from spots not so tenderly administered to.

My massage guy worked on my very messed up body for two hours.  Two hours.  He tried all kinds of funky pinning and stretches, he found all my owie spots, even the origin of my tension headache (the physical origin, at least) and worked with me to release as much as possible.  I’ve awoken three mornings in a row without a headache after 4 days waking up with one.    We discovered my left side is totally ‘jacked up’ and he did his best to get it to stand down (that will need more sessions).  He compared my lower back to ‘railroad tracks’ and said if I’m not feeling it, it’s because the rest of me was screaming more loudly.  He was the perfect massage top and I was happy to bottom to him.

I walked away feeling looser and more relaxed than I have been in ages.  That was a miracle in itself.

I also walked away reveling in the miracle and wonder of being touched.

No, the touching was not sexual but it was touch, all over my body.  Touch from someone who was focused on my needs, on the nonverbal signals — especially when I couldn’t or wasn’t verbalizing.  He’s very respectful and acknowledges my gender in ways that are so normal it helps me feel more normal and comfortable in my skin.  That respect and knowledge of gender comes from his own experiences as a trans man, and he’s a naturally empathic person and I relax under his care very easily.  I’ve been a fan and recipient of massage for a long, long time and have always been a ‘good’ patient, able to breathe through the therapy and give over to the therapist but with him its even better.

Two hours of being touched, acknowledged, respected and celebrated.  No, it wasn’t sex, but I have to say, it was really damn good.  Those are all elements of what good sex is, as far as I’m concerned.  Sessions with him are definitely on my ‘must have’ list now.


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