Today I went for a walk
And I wanted to keep walking
Walking away from cubicles and artificial light and artificial drama
Away from people and machines
Away from connection and responsibility
Away from emotions.
I was walking along, crying, talking to myself, tears streaming down my face, only half caring what I must look like
If I keep walking maybe I won’t care at all
If I keep walking maybe I’ll find silence, solitude
If I keep walking maybe I can walk away from my tears, away from the relentlessness of my emotions.
Maybe I can walk away from myself.
If I stopped remembering what I’ve lost would that being me relief? Or would it bother me like a phantom limb I wasn’t quite sure I’d ever had?
If I waked far enough would the voices in my head run out of things to say?
If I walked far enough …
Maybe I could just lie down and cease
No more breathing through it.
No more feeling my feelings.
No more acting strong when I don’t feel strong.
No more needing anyone.
No more being needed.
If my head is completely empty, will I care about the other emptiness?
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