This recent post on Hyperbole and a Half was recommended to me by Neighbor Femme … Depression Part Two. Â If you suffer from depression, anxiety or any of the related emotional mental plagues, you might recognize yourself in this. Â If you don’t, but you know people who do struggle with these issues, I think you might gain some insight. Â It’s hard to explain just how it feels to be in the midst of depression, or coming out of it (also a hard place to be), so it’s very cool that this blogger found a way to put it into words and pictures.
Stuff like this:
The beginning of my depression had been nothingÂ butÂ feelings, so the emotional deadening that followed was a welcome relief.Â Â IÂ had always wanted to not give a fuck about anything. I viewed feelings as a weakness â€” annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself.Â And I finally didn’t have to feel them anymore.
But my experiences slowly flattened and blended together until it became obvious that there’s a huge difference between not giving a fuck and not beingÂ ableÂ to give a fuck. Cognitively, you might know that different things are happening to you, but they don’t feel very different.
When I say that deciding to not kill myself was the worst part, I should clarify that I don’t mean it in a retrospective sense. From where I am now, it seems like a solid enough decision. But at the time, it felt like I had been dragging myself through the most miserable, endless wasteland, and â€” far in the distance â€” I had seen the promising glimmer of a slightly less miserable wasteland. And for just a moment, I thought maybe I’d be able to stop and rest. But as soon as I arrived at the border of the less miserable wasteland, I found out that I’d have to turn around and walk back the other way.
That piece of corn is the funniest thing I have ever seen, and I cannot explain to anyone why it’s funny.Â IÂ don’t even know why. If someone ever asks me “what was the exact moment where things started to feel slightly less shitty?” instead of telling a nice, heartwarming story about the support of the people who loved and believed in me, I’m going to have to tell them about the piece of corn.
… so now I’m wondering what my piece of corn is…
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