Micro Fantasy: Fighting Impulse

I have a beautiful boy.  He’s strong and sexy and enthusiastic in his service.  He is an absolute pulsating mass of eagerness when it’s time to play.  I love that about him, that he is so ready to throw himself at the challenges I give him.  So eager to please me and prove his worth.

We’re still new to this relationship and so far I’ve mostly worked with his strengths. He is solid and steadfast in taking a beating. He opens up for my cock with enthusiasm. But lately we’ve been talking about what he sees as his weaknesses, areas he’d like to work on, areas for improvement. He’s asked for my help and, service top that I am, I will do all I can to assist him on his path of self-improvement.

Which is what I had in mind when I brought him to a play party the other night. The challenge I had in mind wasn’t meant to show off his physical strength or his cocksucking ability.  Instead of confronting my flogger and paddles, I was going to put him in a position to confront himself.  After that, if he did well, I’d add plenty of color to his sweet, pale backside.

Based on our discussions, I knew that he was concerned about his impulsiveness, his inability at times to focus on the task at hand, the ease with which he was distracted.  He felt that this lack of focus sometimes interfered with his ability to serve, as well as being an impediment to professional growth.

“Boy, come with me.”

He popped up eagerly to follow me from the social area, across the room, to an unoccupied section of the play area.  The play party was in full swing with a lively double-topping scene  at one St. Andrew’s Cross, a vigorous fucking at the swing and several quieter scenes in progress.  Clusters of people stood around the edges of the play area, socializing quietly and watching from a respectful distance.  I noted his hesitation when I passed the unoccupied Cross, a favorite of his.  Now standing near the wall, he was confused, off-balance, unsure of what to expect.  Which is exactly what I wanted.

“Put the bag down.”  He obediently set down my heavy gear bag, rolling his shoulders and flexing his arm muscles.  He glanced around at the rest of the room, taking inventory of the play spaces available and trying to guess what I had in mind.

“Kneel.”  I said it quietly and he obeyed immediately, rewarded by an encouraging smile.  As I looked down at him, the rest of the room melted away.  I felt my focus sharpen on him, on the challenge I was going to offer him.  This feeling of focused attention was something I looked forward to every time we played.  My attention was a gift I wanted to give him, and I was hoping he was about to learn something about attentiveness as well.

I stood a moment longer, just looking at him, locking his eyes with mine.  I could practically see the wheels spinning in his head.  He was trying to guess what was coming.  He wasn’t big on surprises, he liked to be prepared.

“Boy.  I have a new challenge for you.”  His attention sharpened at the word ‘challenge’.  “This will be difficult for you but I have every faith you will make me proud.”  Holding the pose of proud warrior, he was still trying to guess what new toy I was going to use on him.  I stepped toward the wall and motioned to him, “Come over here, stay on your knees, face the wall.”  His expression turned from resolute anticipation to confusion.

In a few moments, with some encouragement from my crop, he was in the correct position.  Upright on his knees, forehead and nose against the wall, one wrist held loosely by the other hand behind his back.  His eyes were darting to either side, he was clearly not comfortable being unable to see the rest of the room.  His chest heaved as I placed my hand on the nape of his neck.

“From now on, when I tell you to ‘face the wall’, this is what I mean and I will expect you to remember how to get into the proper position.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir” His voice had a slight quaver in it.

I crouched down and spoke softly to him, “Boy, look at me, yes, that’s it, face me.” He rested his cheek against the cold cement, his eyes soft and vulnerable.  For a moment, it was all I could do not to take him right there, but that would have to wait.  “Boy, you are not in trouble” his chest heaved again and I watched his eyes grow wet, clearly he’d been thinking just that.  “This is not a punishment, do you understand?”  I lifted an eyebrow and he nodded, whispering, “Yes, Sir.”

I cupped his face gently and continued, “This is an exercise.  To complete this exercise you will need to focus and remain present.” His eyes widened slightly and his breathing steadied.  Good, I thought, he remembers our conversations.  He is recounting them now in his mind as he tries to anticipate the terms of the challenge.

“You will stay in position until I come for you.  You are a good boy and I have no doubt you will make me proud.”  His jaw set as his expression grew firmer.  “There will be a lot of distractions all around you, I know you will be tempted to look, but the exercise is about letting those temptations go.   Breathe, focus and concentrate on your service to me.  This is about being present – let go of the things that happened to you earlier today, let go of anticipating what will happen later tonight.  You can close your eyes if you wish, but” here I wagged a finger at him and raised one eyebrow “No falling asleep.”

He giggled and shook his head.  I scratched the back of his head with my fingernails and his eyes narrowed, a sign that he was aroused.  Perfect.  Another distraction for him to deal with.

“Ready?”

He nodded, eyes steady now.  My sweet, strong boy, ready to take on anything to prove himself to me.  This time, however, proving something to me was secondary.  I wanted him to prove something to himself.

“When I determine you have completed the exercise, I will come for you and then we will play.  Are you willing to do this, my boy?”

The light and love in his eyes was almost unbearable, I needed to set him to his task soon or the desire to have him service my cock would be too much to deny.  I dropped my hand and stood up.  “Boy, face the wall.”

He moved into position immediately, shoulders back, neck straight, proud and ready to serve.  I leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I will not be far away, I’m not leaving you alone, I will be back soon.”  I didn’t want him distracted by his fear of abandonment.

I turned heel and walked away, not looking back at him until I’d taken a seat near my friends.  He was holding his position perfectly.  Damn, what a sexy boy I have, doing something he must absolutely hate and doing it to his utmost ability because I asked him to.  I glanced at the clock, ten minutes would be enough this time.  Enough for him to have to fight himself a bit, not so long that he would lose his way.  Besides, I wanted time to beat his beautiful hide and torment his sweet ass.

A friend leaned toward me and asked, “What’s he in trouble for?”

I explained the exercise to him and he nodded, smiling in appreciation, “Well, this will certainly be challenging for him.”  My boy was well known for his somewhat puppy-like enthusiasm and hyperactivity.

“So why not strip him down for this?  I assume you have a reason for leaving him in his clothes.”

I smirked, this friend wasn’t shy about his admiration for my boy’s body and probably felt cheated.  “If he’s stripped down and in his glory, it will play into his ego, his self-admiration.  He knows he looks good and would be thinking about people looking at him.”

“Mmmmm…  How long?”

“Ten minutes, though I didn’t tell him.”

My friend nodded with a knowing smile, “You don’t want him counting in his head, anticipating the end of the exercise.”

A couple of minutes had passed. I thought about his knees on the hard floor, how they must be starting to bother him.  There was a small movement as he adjusted his back, squaring his shoulders again.  I could feel his tension from where I was sitting, he was trying so hard, almost too hard.  This was an exercise in letting go, which was not an easy thing for him to do on his own.

A couple of yards away, the double-topping trio was switching things up, and the newly ordained bottom was a lot louder than the previous.  Her loud exclamations and screams must be pulling at my boy’s attention, but he remained essentially motionless.  A few yards  in another direction, the rhythmic thumps of a flogger started up and I saw a tremor run across my boy’s back.  That made me smile, he was such a slut for the flogger, his skin must be absolutely crawling with desire.

He was rounding minute four when I could tell he’d finally relaxed.  He remained in good posture, but I could see from where I sat that the tension had drained from his shoulders and back.  This made me very happy, no matter what he’d been doing mentally, this wasn’t causing more stress.  Soon I was standing beside him.  His eyes were open, and he knew I was there, but he didn’t move or show any sign.  I watched the minute hand clear the 12 and reached out, once again, to palm the nape of his neck.  I could feel his pulse under my thumb and hear his breath quicken slightly, but still he held his position.

“You have completed the exercise, you may come away from the wall and sit.”  I waited while repositioned himself, first stretching his knees out straight before folding them cross-legged.  I handed him a cup of water and sat next to him.

“You are my beautiful, strong boy and I am proud of you.”

He smiled his gorgeous smile and I pulled him into my lap.  “How do you feel?”

“Good, my knees hurt a lot after a while but it wasn’t as hard as some of the things you have had me do.”

“Not hard physically, you mean?”

His face betrayed his thoughts, “Exactly.  Not hard physically, but hard to do the things you asked, to think about being present and not anticipate or think about my day.  That was hard.”

“Were you able to achieve that focus?”

He opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again, thinking.  “I was for some moments, but not the whole time.  I’m sorry, Sir.” He tucked his head against my chest, his way of hiding his shame.  I lifted his face and waited for his eyes to meet mine.

“Did you do your best?” He nodded.  “Then you did not fail, you took the challenge and succeeded.  I am very proud of you.”

He smiled and leaned against me again. We sat for a short while longer, me kneading the back of his neck and head.  He was nearly purring against my chest.  Presently, I shifted and he sat up, looking at me expectantly.

“Hmmm… so what do you think?  Time to go?”  His expression of utter, unguarded dismay was too much, I chuckled and shook my head.  “Oh, lord no, I’m only kidding, I won’t deny you your reward, sweet boy.”

His face split open with a huge smile, but his eyes held something feral that made my cock stir again.

“I believe there is a Cross open, hmm?  Take the gear over and set out three items you crave me to use on you and three you dislike”  I grinned at the expression on his face and narrowed my eyes.  “And don’t lie about the last three, I’ll know…. come on now boy, chop, chop… time to put some color on your pretty backside.”

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