My status said:
whatever the opposite of dysphoria is, I’m feeling it today.. wow! this feels good
Later that day, my friend Nick asked “What does that feel like?”
We both agreed that we go through life with an underlying sense of dysphoria all the time, kind of a background level that can flair up at times and become unbearable. So what did it feel like to not be dysphoric?
“It felt like I wasn’t inside a puppet body, you know? So when I moved my whole body moves, there’s no feeling of lag.”
“Most of the time I feel like I’m made of multiple images that overlap but don’t line up completely. Feeling non-dysphoric is the feeling that all of it lines up perfectly.”
He smiled and agreed that dysphoria is a constant feeling, not usually interfering with life, but always there.
“How did this happen?” He asked, “What happened to make you feel this way?”
“Confidence. I’m getting a lot of love and acceptance for being just the way I am” I paused. “Gotta say, when someone’s telling me I’m sexy and handsome… it certainly increases my confidence. Having a good day, feeling loved and accepted, sunshine… ”
I thought for a few more moments as we approached the soccer field where Elder Spawn was playing. “I am feeling fully like a guy, even with this female body. It doesn’t feel weird right now to have breasts instead of a chest, and that is the most awesome feeling.”
Nick nodded and smiled, “That’s really cool.”
It was really cool, kind of amazing, actually. A friend said that since I now knew what it felt like to be non-dysphoric, I’ll probably be able to experience it more often. I really hope so.
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