tampons for … men?

Roxy asked me this question today:

“Kyle, when you use a tampon, do you consider it a feminine product, or a masculine one?”

Well, first of all, we had to roust Kyle from his position on the couch, watching porn or something, since it had been Roxy and Casey talking.  But roust we did and after pausing to consider the question, here’s what he responded with:

“To borrow from some discussions I’ve been reading and learning from, it might make more sense to call it a vaginal product, rather than masculine or feminine, since there are masculine folks who use tampons.”

We both laughed out loud at the prospect of the “Vaginal Products” signs in grocery stores. Then we got silly.

“Maybe we need new product lines, Tampons for Men, masculine tampons… why are they always white?  Why not black tampons, or packaging with daggers and skulls and crossbones and stuff like that?” She prompted.

I said something about my ‘front hole’ but she heard ‘fuck hole’ and that kicked off another 5 minutes of snorting and giggling.

I was imagining aggressive images and bold colors, replacing the pastels and passive graphics on “feminine” vaginal product packaging.  Black and red, dragons and noble knights in armor, perhaps.

“Leather” She said. “Leather tampons.”

Leather tampons for the masculine vagina….  great tagline, don’t you think?

“Leather and steel”, I offered.  “Steel applicators.”

“Omg, omg.. ” She was nearly hyperventilating, “Applicators shaped like bazookas!”

I joined her in hysterical laughter and lack of oxygen, “Or something you would cock *ka-chunk* like a shotgun… shoot the tampon into place.. *ka-chunk… Pow!*”

Much laughter, much giggling, like a couple of 14 year old boys drunk with the power of their dirty imaginations.

So, vagina product buying public, what do you think?  How would you like to be marketed to when buying products to stem the flood from your masculine vaginal orifices?  When you go down the ‘feminine’ product aisle, that of the pastels and butterflies and soft, unchallenging images, do you feign buying them for your girlfriend/wife? Or have you resigned yourself to the conflict of being masculine and needing something marketed so completely at odds with your inner identity?  Maybe you’ve made a deal with someone else to buy them.  Or maybe it doesn’t bother you at all, maybe you’ve embraced the contradiction.

And, OK, show of hands for those who would buy a box of tampons decorated with dragons and swords, in red, silver and black?  *raises both hands*

 

much thanks and credit to my muse and co-conspirator, Roxy… love you, babe, thanks for being funny with me 🙂 

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