Beyond Bromance

This is a post from Kyle, the male half of the dual-gendered person whose blog you’re reading.  Most posts are presented by Casey, our female half.

In the past couple of years, I’ve come out as transgendered, as the subbie boy to Roxy’s Sir, as dual-gendered and probably other things I don’t remember right now.  In a post I wrote last August, we talked about Casey having a crush on me and how Roxy very accurately named what she was feeling:  “You have a crush on a transman”.

And that’s me, I’m the transman in this complex dance of identity. And now for my next confession, er, coming out …. (and here’s where Casey would write a lot of words and use a lot of terms and generally strangle the moment with her vocab)…

I’m a queer dude who wants to have sex with other queer and queer friendly dudes.

For the longest time, I’ve been attracted to guys: mostly queer identified guys, trans guys (I envy their beards so much), dark leathermen, hot masculine faggots and, sometimes, hetero guys.   And for the longest time, I’ve covered it up by saying I was into gay porn, because the community I came out in originally was the lesbian community.  It’s the lust that dare not speak its name amongst nice, civilized lesbian social groups.  It’s the kind of desire that can get you kicked out, in fact.  I remember feeling very nervous and shy and fearful when I first admitted my bisexuality to Roxy, with a lot of vagueness, and escape hatches in place.  She (as you have no doubt guessed) was wonderful and accepting.  She’s way ahead of me with regard to accepting my inner fag.  The inner fag who’s ready to stop being on the inside all the time.

A couple of days ago, I followed a twitter link to a story in Original Plumbing by a trans queer guy about a threesome he had with two cis-guys.  That story felt almost like an invasion of privacy, in that I can’t even count the number of times I’ve fantasized about a scenario like that.  And the clincher was that a person with a pussy could be treated like a guy in that scenario.  That is something I want very, very much.

Being a female bodied person, it hasn’t really occurred to me that I could come out as a gay or bisexual man anywhere but in my mind.  Back in the 90s, when transitioning was becaming more common, we were mostly Casey, the butch dyke, the socially acceptable identity that fit into the lesbian community.  Hell, back then (and before), being butch was looked down the nose by a lot of women in the queer community, and going from butch female to trans man was seen as a betrayal, an abandonment.

So yeah, I stayed in the background, dormant, I suppose, until recently.  That’s when Casey and I figured out who and what we were.  And we decided we were tired of following rules laid out by people who didn’t have to live our life, didn’t have to deal with having two identities.  So no more following the lesbian code, or any other code that doesn’t make sense to us.  In fact, over 25 years after coming out as a lesbian, we’re not even sure that identity fits us anymore.  Not to say we don’t still love pussy, because, yeah, we both do.  And, goddamn, we get to make love to Roxy so we’re never gonna give that up, no matter what fantasies we can act out in real life.

The bottom line is that we like to fuck, Casey and I.  We have an ‘all holes filled’ approach to sex.  Our body is made for sex, we come early and often, so if we’re attracted to someone or get turned on by some kink or fetish, is there any reason we shouldn’t allow ourselves the pleasure?  No, absolutely not.  We don’t believe there is any good reason beyond logistics and other practical considerations.  We’ve decided it’s time to step up and ask for the full range of what we are hungry for.

But what does that mean?  Where does a transgenderqueer in a small urban center go to find some casual fuckery with men and male-identified folks (and not get screwed over in the wrong way)? Part of what I need out of this is to be seen as male, fucked like a man, I want man-on-man interactions.  I’ve got no interest in a commitment, I have a full and happy relationship dance card already and don’t need anymore in that regard.  I want to have fun, get some male bonding and open the release valve on over 20 years of erotic build-up.  And I’m not sure where to start… there’s a dating site, pretty small so far, but very queer and I’ve joined to see what I can find close to home (not much so far).  There are events at the Seattle Center for Sex Positive Culture — Crowbar in particular — that cater to guys like me.  As for other opportunities, I’m open to suggestions.  Even though it’s just a need that we’ve been suppressing and cloaking and dancing around for over 20 years, I guess I should be patient.  At least for a little while.

We’re not in a hurry, most of the time.

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

This entry was posted in butch/trans/genderqueer, butches, crushes, exploring gender, finding me, gender, my selves, turn ons and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Beyond Bromance

  1. Evoe Thorne says:

    This makes me love you so much! Go Kyle!!!

    oh wow *blush* wasn’t expecting responses like this 🙂

    Well, you had a preview of this when we talked the other day. Thanks for being so cool – K

  2. Kaitlin says:

    So i know I’ve been out of the loop for awhile and I am playing catch up reading all the missing posts but I have to say this; posts like this, that provide such honest insight into your life, is the reason I started following this blog 2 years ago. You are an amazing writer and an amazing man.

  3. Nadia West says:

    I have a hard time thinking of you as anything other than a guy. Perhaps since I know mostly Kyle from the blog here. I think it’s awesome that queer sex is gradually expanding to include what you’re looking for (when I looked through queerporn.tv to review it, there were female bodied and male bodied people playing together, but who were undoubtedly queer and having queer sex). I hope you find some willing queer cis-guys to play with.

    Also, as a bisexual woman who has had to deal with lesbians looking down their noses at me, it’s refreshing to hear a dyke, a very butch one at that – genderqueer/trans even – say they want to have sex with flesh and blood penises involved. I know what you mean by it being sacrilege to want cock within the lesbian community.

  4. Saynine says:

    As a Cis-Male that has been fortunate enough to play with Kyle and interact sexually, I have to say, Rawr!

    Seriously Kyle, you are incredibly sexy and definitely a hot guy. I hope to get another chance to have some hot Guy-on-Guy action with you sometime.

  5. All of the “labels” & “communities” and such confuse me sometimes. The peg that is me almost fits into so many, but never completely.

    I am just me. I am sexual. No prefix required or desired.

    heh heh, you said ‘peg’, heh heh.

    But seriously, I agree. I like queer because it covers all the sexual preferences I have without limiting me. ‘Sexual’ definitely fits because, goddamn, I love to fuck. I love talking about, reading about, thinking about and writing about sex. And watching it .. sex is awesome — K

  6. Roxy says:

    I’m thrilled to see you getting such positive responses to this post. It’s been a long time coming (yes, I said coming,) and I know it was a bit daunting to put out there in the light of day. I think you’re wonderful in all of your gorgeously sexy ways, and I’m really excited to hear all about the sexy adventures you’re ready to embark on.

    Sorry I’ve been a little behind (yes, I said it) on getting it in (heh) with respect to this comment – it was just so hard (double heh) to pick the right words to slide in here. (Because I love you, honey.)

    OMG, you are so awesome.. my 14 year old boy has such a big crush on your 14 year old boy. Thank you for supporting me, nudging me forward when needed and for continuing to be turned on and in lust with me, even though I want to come in contact with boy-cooties. You are the best — K

  7. LissaB says:

    I have to agree with Evoe. You’re amazing.

  8. Calypso says:

    Why haven’t we read any “dirty details,” about what happened with Saynine and Roxy that weekend in SF? You promised to share your amazing adventures, but we heard next to nothing. It’s not too late, to “come clean, Kyle.”

  9. Rachel says:

    awesome post. 🙂 I’m a new reader, but have been chillin in the background for a minute.. I love that the queer community is growing more accepting of more fluid and/or convoluted identities and desires such that the lines blur around who we are and what we want, and we get to redefine these things instead of trying to smush tab A into slot B. 🙂

    thank you.. my A tab just doesn’t fit into slot B.. too big 😉 .. I am also grateful that culture as a whole, and the queer culture specifically, is becoming more open to blurring and blending and less worried about enforcing borders — K

  10. AManFan says:

    I second the above request, to hear about the wild weekend in SF. ‘Fess up, buddy. “Inquiring (dirty) minds wanna know.”

  11. DakotaDyke says:

    My partner and I enjoy your blog. We’ve been reading for awhile, but haven’t written before. I’ve also been curious about that weekend in San Francisco with Saynine and Roxy. I noticed that you never responded to the two inquiries about it. You’re usually so open about answering your readers. Why the secrecy about SF?

  12. Kyle says:

    Ok, Ok, OK… there’s no cover up, no attempt at secrecy, just a busy life and the reality of calling up memories of an event that happened almost a year ago. A very memorable event, an excellent one, but still, it’s been a year and a lot has happened in between. I’m sorry I didn’t get on the Folsom story right away, if you recall, the next weekend I was at Butch Voices Portland, another very memorable and busy weekend.

    So in response to DakotaDyke, and AManFan and Calypso and everyone who hasn’t spoken up, yes, I will tell you about Folsom 2010, but please don’t time me 😉 — K

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