Reader Inspired: Femme Dilemma

Reader Amber offered this as inspiration:

Here’s a scenario prompt for you that has absolutely, totally nothing to do at all with my life: Femme sees cute butch across the way. Butch sees Just Another Straight Girl. Femme dilemma ensues. Please resolve.

Alrighty then, let’s see what I can come up with.  The key is to make sure the Butch knows you’re not straight, that you really are intentionally getting their attention and want that attention returned.

Remembering that ‘one size fits all’ rarely applies to complex situations involving affairs of the heart and groin, here are some ideas for ya:

Idea number 1, the Direct Approach:  Femme sees cute Butch across the way and closes the gap in a slow and tantalizing way.  Walks right up to (possibly) oblivious Butch.  Stands directly in front of her target, makes eye contact and says, “How you doin’ handsome?”

If it were me, I’d respond something like, “Um.. uh.. hi, uh…. *big grin*” then, when I’d recovered my cool, “How you doin’, gorgeous?”

And I know it might be too direct for some, so you could temper it a bit, maybe something like this:

Idea number 2, Slightly Less Direct Approach: Femme sees cute Butch across the way and moves herself into that Butch’s line of sight.  Catches eye, does the ‘up-down’ appraising look, smiles with approval and moves back to her seat.  The less direct approach may involve more patience, waiting for the Butch to fully understand what’s just happened and to decide whether to act on it.

On the other hand, maybe you don’t want to leave any question as to your goal:

Idea number 3, Really Really Direct Approach:  Femme sees cute Butch across the way and closes the gap quickly, assertively and with no question as to intent.  Femme looks Butch directly in the eye, grabs their package and says, with a voice that reaches right into their groin, “Damn, you look good in these jeans.  Come with me, I want to see how good you look out of them.”  Grab tie, collar, handful of hair and lead them out the door.  Believe me, that Butch will be grinning like mad at anyone who looks in their direction on the way out.

Or maybe this, if you believe your target needs to loosen up a bit more:

Idea number 4, buy a butch a beer:  Femme sees cute Butch across the way and waits until their drink is almost dry.  Crossing the floor, Femme asks Butch what they’re drinking.  Butch, after recovering from the shock of such a fetching woman speaking to them directly, answers.  Femme says, “Let me buy you another, handsome, you look thirsty.”  After the Butch nods their assent to your offer, make sure you walk slowly away from them to the bar, let that Butch get a good long look at what you have to offer.  Return with beer and draw them out of their shy exterior with some funny anecdotes.  Sprinkle complements liberally, smile appreciatively as they come out of their shell.  Soon you’ll be sharing more than stories.


I really do think a direct approach is the best.  I know from my own experience that if someone shows enough interest to come up and talk to me, they’ve got a great start on making a good impression.  And for myself and other butch guys I know, if you call us handsome, well, that’s a sure-fire trigger word.  If you don’t get a grin out of them for that, you might want to rethink your target.

We’re specifically talking about ways a Femme can approach a Butch, and I know there is plenty of work to be done with regard to the reverse.  I’ve caught a few eyes, seen what I hoped was an appreciative look, but been paralyzed by shyness and the fear of rejection.  (yes, I said I was shy, what?  You don’t believe me?!)  Since that’s the case with many butches I know, if you see one you’d like to get to know better and you have the gumption to make the approach, please do.  Seriously, you’re gonna make a butch insanely happy and they’re gonna brag about it to all their friends.  Makes me think maybe we should create a new holiday:  Flirt with a Butch Day.  We’ll set a date and on that day, Butches will be hanging out in public places, alert to the flirt.  Your part (no matter how you identify) is to find a Butch and let them know you appreciate them looking so butchly.

(Yeah, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Hey, we should have a Flirt with a Femme Day, too.”  Or something for transguys and transwomen, or something for some other identity.  But, you know what?  This is my blog so I get to propose what I like 😉  ha!)

Thank you, Amber, for prompting this… not sure this is what you were looking for, but you can’t get your money back now, so I hope you like it.



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