Apologies, Amends and Thankfulness

I’ve done a lot of emotional vomiting lately, all over my blog, all over your screens.  I appreciate y’all putting up with it, it’s helped me to get it all out.  However, I think it’s time to put on my big boy pants and get on with it now.

As good as it has been to get my pain and fear out for processing, it’s been hard on the woman I love.  She never meant to cause me pain, I’ve known that all along.  She is the most generous, loving, amazing person I know.

Roxy has done so much for me, it’d take a lot of electrons to list it all.  She’s set aside her own feelings to take care of me so many times I can’t count them.  She’s sacrificed a lot for me and for our relationship.  She’s stood aside for my wife and my family. I love and appreciate her more than I can express.  She’s been a miracle in my life, her love has lifted me and given me hope where I had none.  It is right and appropriate that I show her the same level of love and consideration by supporting her relationship with Theo.

Though I’ve been throwing a pretty big, public tantrum for several days now, I love her and I am very glad she and Theo found each other.  They’re really good together. Theo is a great and much more constant presence in her life.  I want this to work out for them.  My public displays of angst and fear are not passive aggressive attempts to break them up.

I love Roxy. My love for Theo is growing.  I love them both.  Roxy is taking her life in her own hands and I’m proud of her.  She’s setting an excellent example for me, for all of us.  I think a large part of what I’ve been feeling is due to me looking at my own home life and seeing that, in many ways, I haven’t been doing what I can to make it better.

Roxy:

Thank you, my love, for being so courageous, for deciding that your happiness is important.  It is important, you being happy is a major priority for me, and I’m happy it’s become one for you.  Theo is an awesome person and I’m glad you’ve found each other.  Thank you for loving me enough to continue to make space for what we have, as well.  You are the most amazing, loving person I know.  I’m looking forward to loving you, and being loved by you, for the rest of our lives.  Thank you.

I’m sorry about all the tantrums.   You’ve been very patient and loving to support my need to spew all of that, even though it’s hurt you.  I’m sorry, my love.  I’m going to work on being the man/woman/person who you can continue to fall in love with and feel supported by and depend on.  I love what we have.  Thank you.

 

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3 Responses to Apologies, Amends and Thankfulness

  1. Coy Pink says:

    You and Roxy are so wonderful together and a sight to behold when you’re together. No one could be in your presence and NOT see and feel the love you have for each other. I admire the honesty and fierceness that the two of you devote to your relationship. Truly, if anyone can make a situation like yours work, it is you and Roxy. Thank you for sharing your hopes and fears with the rest of us. Your humanity is beautiful in all its forms.

    Thank you, sweetheart. We do have a love that is very determined to survive anything we put it through. We keep coming back to the truth of how much we love each other, how much that love has given us and how much we can give it in the future. I don’t see any end to what she and I can accomplish. This is one more transition period, one more challenge for us to take on. And, as someone else said, each challenge we take on and conquer makes us stronger and more confident — K

  2. Ryki says:

    Where are Roxy’s usual, sweet supportive comments? Has she taken a hiatus? I’ve noticed a conspicuous lack of comments from her lately.

    Rest assured, I’m getting plenty of support and sweetness directly from her. Summer is busy and there isn’t always time to sit down at a keyboard and formulate responses. However, I am getting plenty of supportive, wonderful, amazing love directly from her throughout every day – K

  3. Roxy says:

    Thank you, my love, for being so generous and loving. There are a lot of feelings that come up on both sides and I’m so thankful that you’ve been honest and open with me, even when it’s been painful. Sunshine is good for our relationship, and I’m glad we get a lot of it.

    And, yes, I’ve pulled back from my online life because two weasels home for the summer are keeping me pretty busy, although I’m trying to give Kyle all the love I can. 🙂

    We do have a lot of sun shining into our relationship, that is for sure. I’m glad for it, too, because I think that’s going to be the surest route to a very long term relationship. I’m sorry I’ve had such a rough time and been so ‘outloud’ about it. I know that’s hard on you and I certainly don’t do it to hurt you.

    I love you. I’m really grateful we are strong enough to keep going, keep getting better and to love each other more deeply. You’re just too too good to let go of, darlin’ — K

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