Apologies, Amends and Thankfulness

I’ve done a lot of emotional vomiting lately, all over my blog, all over your screens.  I appreciate y’all putting up with it, it’s helped me to get it all out.  However, I think it’s time to put on my big boy pants and get on with it now.

As good as it has been to get my pain and fear out for processing, it’s been hard on the woman I love.  She never meant to cause me pain, I’ve known that all along.  She is the most generous, loving, amazing person I know.

Roxy has done so much for me, it’d take a lot of electrons to list it all.  She’s set aside her own feelings to take care of me so many times I can’t count them.  She’s sacrificed a lot for me and for our relationship.  She’s stood aside for my wife and my family. I love and appreciate her more than I can express.  She’s been a miracle in my life, her love has lifted me and given me hope where I had none.  It is right and appropriate that I show her the same level of love and consideration by supporting her relationship with Theo.

Though I’ve been throwing a pretty big, public tantrum for several days now, I love her and I am very glad she and Theo found each other.  They’re really good together. Theo is a great and much more constant presence in her life.  I want this to work out for them.  My public displays of angst and fear are not passive aggressive attempts to break them up.

I love Roxy. My love for Theo is growing.  I love them both.  Roxy is taking her life in her own hands and I’m proud of her.  She’s setting an excellent example for me, for all of us.  I think a large part of what I’ve been feeling is due to me looking at my own home life and seeing that, in many ways, I haven’t been doing what I can to make it better.

Roxy:

Thank you, my love, for being so courageous, for deciding that your happiness is important.  It is important, you being happy is a major priority for me, and I’m happy it’s become one for you.  Theo is an awesome person and I’m glad you’ve found each other.  Thank you for loving me enough to continue to make space for what we have, as well.  You are the most amazing, loving person I know.  I’m looking forward to loving you, and being loved by you, for the rest of our lives.  Thank you.

I’m sorry about all the tantrums.   You’ve been very patient and loving to support my need to spew all of that, even though it’s hurt you.  I’m sorry, my love.  I’m going to work on being the man/woman/person who you can continue to fall in love with and feel supported by and depend on.  I love what we have.  Thank you.

 

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