Restricted Access

As is Her custom, Sir put me on orgasm restriction starting Monday.  That’s bad enough, but then she added a twist:  I would have to bring myself to the brink of orgasm, but stop just shy of the mark.  On Monday, I was to do it once, Tuesday twice, and so on.  Yesterday, I denied myself 4 times.

Because of poor time management, I managed one during the day, the other 3 happened in series at bedtime.   Doing it one after the other is particularly difficult, since sensitivity is heightened each time.  And, having gone 4 days without release, I’m at a hair-trigger point already.

Sir asked me to describe what happened to Her this morning:

me:  i used the hitachi.. knowing that i’d get there quickly and also as a test because it’s hard to say no to Mr. Hitachi

Roxy: He’s very insistent, isn’t he?
me: i started out just rubbing it all around.. kind of avoiding the target, ya know?
it felt good, and even though i wasn’t on my clit.. my clit was getting heated up
so I let it have a taste.. and then had to pull back quickly
but yes, Mr. Hitachi is very seductive
then i did it again, but i concentrated on keeping the vibration on my clit while pushing the orgasm away mentally
that was interesting
then i put Mr. aside and used my fingers
damn, my clit was hard and slick by then
i was able to play with it for a moment or two until it got insistant again

She was very impressed and I was proud to have pleased her.  It would be easy to “phone this stuff in”, to do something very minimal to meet the requirement but avoid the deeper challenges.  And, boy howdy, was it challenging.  I reached for my Hitachi and as soon as I touched it, it was like hitting the play button on my orgasmic greatest hits collection.  The images and feelings that flooded me momentarily short circuited my intentions and suddenly I wanted to come, hard and long and more than once and the consequences be damned.  But I didn’t.

A soft, but increasingly loud, voice in my head reminded me of my task, and of the honor that would be found in doing those tasks well.  As described above, I accomplished my goals.

I can remember back when she first put me on restriction.  It was impossible, I thought.  I really enjoy my orgasms, look forward to them, enjoy prolonging and magnifying them.  It also seemed that I needed that release, to keep me steady and focused.  Did she really want to play with fire like that?  I can remember much speculation on how big the explosion would be once she allowed me to come again.

We’ve been playing this game for a while now and I understand it much better.  I know now that orgasms are not purely physical, the mental component has more power, for me at least.  I’ve come without any manual intervention, strictly through being in an intense sexting scene with Roxy.   And it certainly takes a lot of mental effort and focus to not come while physically pushing myself in that direction.

Last night,  I was deliberately threading that painfully thin line, holding myself just before climax, treading the orgasmic water without diving too deep.  This is a new frontier for me, controlling my orgasms, extending them, tapping into the flow with a purpose.  Not surprisingly, I visualized the feeling in geeky terms.  The building heat of orgasm is like an electric current.  My clit and GSpot act like capacitors, storing the energy, building up until I release it.  So what happens when I mentally direct that flow?  When I recognize the build up but shunt it away instead of letting it discharge explosively?  It’s an interesting level of control, mental potentiometers tweaking the signal strength, teasing but never tipping over the edge.  I also realized later that I do something similar with pain.  Pain and sexual release are both intense stimuli, and I have similar techniques for mentally controlling my reactions to those stimuli.

This morning, I thanked Sir for giving me this challenge, for giving me an opportunity to learn more about myself.  She chucked, here I was thanking Her for the torment.  And that was just four orgasm denials.  Today, I had to deny myself five orgasms, and since I drove to work, I would do it while sitting in my truck with her on the phone with me.

It’s a lot harder to do with a witness, especially one who’s playing all kinds of mind games with me.  It really kills me when she says something like “Oh, is it too hard?  Should I just let you come, then? Would you like it if I told you to come right now?”

And now we see how deep my competitive drive goes, because this is now a point of pride.  I don’t just want to show her I can do this, I need to.  So when she starts hinting that she might give me permission to come, I start begging for the opposite.

“No, no no, Sir, please no.. please, I don’t want to, please Sir.”

Now, how fucked up is that, huh?  I am desperate to come and now I’m begging her to let me continue to NOT come.  This is my brain on submission, begging passionately for her not to let me come.

I don’t know how she’ll craft the challenge next time, what her evil genius mind will cook up but I can tell you it will be good.  And, of course, I mean good in the way that really painfully hard things are good.  Good in the way that denial of pleasure teaches me more about myself than coming 10 times within a half an hour would.  Good in the way that dealing with passion and pain allow me to find out what I’m capable of, how strong my mind is, how much my body can take and how much I can love the woman who inspires this in me.

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

This entry was posted in bdsm and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Restricted Access

  1. Pingback: Waiting and Dreaming « Uncommon Curiosity