She had me kneel in front of her, wearing nothing but my anticipation. I don’t know what my expression looked like to her, but I felt like I must have sparkled with excitement and love. We were in no hurry, it was nice to make a space for this moment, to quiet down, slow down. Kneeling there, looking up at her, I could feel the excitement build between us, like an energy field bouncing back and forth, building up power.
In the weeks leading up to this moment, we’d been talking about what the collaring meant to us, what it meant for me to be her boy, for her to be my Sir. For me, the need to be submissive was all about finding the right person and submitting in a way that worked for me. I wasn’t ever going to be an easy, possum sub. I needed someone who would earn their position at the other end of my leash. I wanted to find a way to come into that role with strength, honor and integrity. I pictured myself as a knight, a warrior, pledging his fidelity and strength to his queen, his sovereign. I wanted to be tested, pushed, challenged and, at the same time, treasured, respected and cherished.
When I first started exploring D/s, I had a pretty limited view of what inhabiting those roles might be like. It seemed to me that Dom/mes were larger than life, strong, stern and/or angry, and subs were weak, ready to roll over at the slightest provocation. I know, I know, I’ve learned a lot since then, and I know that viewpoint doesn’t come close to describing the depth and breadth of the D/s relationships that exist. But, even with the intellectual understanding, emotionally I still had a hard time imagining myself being a good, obedient submissive.
And that’s where Roxy comes in, saving the day, so to speak. We are in agreement that a push-over sub isn’t what either of us considers big fun. We like the challenge, from both roles. She is amazingly perceptive and knows just how to dig into my hopes/fears/desires to craft a challenging and satisfying experience for both of us. Even if humiliation is part of a particular scene, it doesn’t carry over into the rest of our relationship. She adores me, respects my strength, loves me without reservation and that’s why I knew I could give myself to her, accept her collar and the responsibility and obligation it represents. I was beyond proud to be the person she wanted to be Sir to, knowing that she acknowledges the strength and integrity I bring to this role.
She’d written a ceremony that she’d sent to me for approval. What she wrote speaks volumes about our relationship, both in and out of D/s play. I remember when I first read it, I was overwhelmed by emotion, by the sense of ‘rightness’. She really is the top for me. She understands, validates and honors my submission. As much as I reacted emotionally when I read those words the first time, I knew hearing her speak them would hit me even harder.
I knelt before her, looking up into her eyes, trying to express every bit of love and adoration I was feeling through my gaze. She looked down at me, smiling beautifully, clearly feeling as emotional as I was. She put her hands on my shoulders, stroked my neck and I sighed, closing my eyes. Her hands are warm, loving, strong. I could feel everything through her touch. She ran her fingers through my hair, causing me to shiver happily, my smile growing with each stroke. She pulled me forward, placing my face between her knees. She picked up the collar and gently placed it around my neck, then lifted my face. God.. the beauty of that woman was incandescent.
Then she read these words to me:
As I place this collar on your neck,
I acknowledge and honor your strength,
the courage of a man who is brave enough
to bow before another
in love and service.
I promise to celebrate that strength, to express to you every day
how lucky I feel to be served by one so strong.
I acknowledge and honor the trust
which you have given me,
and promise to never abuse it or take it for granted.
I will strive to earn that trust every day,
and to remind you how grateful I am that you choose, every day, to give it to me.
I acknowledge and honor your submission,
your willingness to serve,
placing your body and will in my hands.
I promise to always remember that submission is a gift you give me,
and never forget the partner within the boy.
My boy, my lover, my friend, my partner,
do you accept my collar freely and with joy?
It was overwhelming, hearing the love and strength in her voice, hearing the emotion she was barely restraining, tears filled my eyes. I’d planned to write something in response, but in the busy days leading up to this visit, didn’t find the time. I decided to go with the moment, see what impromptu response came to me. What I wanted to communicate to her was my acceptance, my joy, my gratitude, the deep feeling that she was the right person for me. The words came, they were fitting, she found them eloquent, but I can’t remember the particulars. My appreciation of her is beyond words, though I tried my best to encapsulate it in that moment.
We decided a while back that our relationship would fit us, not anybody else’s definitions or assumptions. In our day-to-day lives, we have an equal partnership, a deep friendship and a healthy respect and knowledge of our strengths and weaknesses. During our D/s and kinky play, we switch back and forth as the mood strikes us. My ability to top her has been growing and developing, which excites us both. The flexibility and egalitarianism we enjoy in our relationship is something we both value and enjoy very much.
By the offering and acceptance of the collar, we’ve formalized an aspect of our relationship. It’s one more solid piece in the foundation of our lives together and I am so proud to have taken the step with her. I honestly can’t imagine wearing anyone else’s collar, she is really that perfect for me.
Here I am, proud, emotional, full of a joy I am still trying to describe in mere words.
To Her: Thank You, Sir, for respecting and accepting my submission. I will do everything in my power to make you happy and proud. You know and challenge me in ways that no one ever has and I have no desire to seek anyone else to be my Master. I can imagine no one mastering me the generous and loving way you have. With great joy and love, I accept Your collar and wear it with pride, for as long as it pleases You.
And later, can you guess how we celebrated? We went to a dungeon to play, of course. That is a story for another post.. stay tuned.
For her post about the occasion, see Kyle’s Visit – Collaring my Boy.
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