I’m curious as to whether this new Sir/boy dynamic is having any effect on your continuing exploration of your masculinity and, specifically, how will that be affected by your “collaring” in public? by Scintillectual
Very good questions, thanks for asking them.
It’s hard to disentangle my exploration of masculinity from everything else I’ve been exploring, but I’ll give it a shot. There is a distinct feeling of multi-personality within me. You should read Roxy’s latest post, ‘Sir’, to get her view on some of that, it’s a pretty good description. My masculinity is physical, mental, emotional and erotic. One thing Roxy and I have discovered is that my masculine side isn’t as mature as my female side, he hasn’t had as much time in the sun up to now. He’s still wrapped up in a lot of aggressive, angry, immature reactions and emotions. He’s showy, cocky and sometimes very insecure about his place in the world and in relationships. He has been making headway along the road to maturity — a stronger, quieter, more confident man — but that side is in development, so to speak. When I’m interacting with Roxy as the boy to her Sir, I struggle to master my more aggressive, insecure reactions. I struggle with the idea that I can be a strong man and still be on my knees, eyes cast down, doing as Sir asks. We’ve been unearthing new aspects of my sexuality as well. Its hard sometimes to honestly describe my sexuality when a part of me is a boy/man who is attracted to men as well as women, but protests being called a fag. And I’m a bio female who loves and is attracted to women, and perhaps men. Queer is the only label that seems to fit.
This new D/s dynamic with Roxy is contributing to my exploration, digging into corners I forgot existed, testing limits, exploring fears and biases. Submitting to her doesn’t detract from my feelings of masculinity, on the contrary, I feel very masculine, very reinforced by Roxy who lavishes all sorts of praise and love on me. I am her boy, her man, her strong beast. I’m not easy to top and she celebrates and embraces that strength. It’s not the only space in our relationship where I can be my masculine self, but it’s a space I treasure and value.
As for public aspects of collaring, there won’t be many. This is but one part of our relationship, not a 24/7 role. I do have a leather wrist band that she made for me and I wear that every day as a symbol of the D/s relationship. The collar is a more formal and outward indication of a relationship Roxy and I already have. That relationship gives me feelings of strength, love, support and respect. As such, the relationship and the collar serve to reinforce my feelings of masculinity and strength, not take away from them.
I’ve said a whole lot in this answer, but if I missed something in your question, or if you want to ask a follow-on question, please do 🙂
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