It’s not surprising that I’m tired most of the time and that my blogging productivity has gone down in the past couple of months, having a newborn in the house tends to have that effect. So I spend most of my days wandering around in a daze (mentally, least, my body isn’t moving around all that much) . This week seems particularly bad as my sinuses are under pressure, contributing to headaches, itchy ears and dry irritated eyes. My mental processes are minimally functional, grinding to a complete halt most afternoons. As I put it to my team in our status meeting today, my mental train is off its tracks.
And you know, I should probably do something about it, like get more sleep or something. That makes perfect sense, is completely reasonable and a rational being like myself should be able to grab on to that solution and execute. Unfortunately, however, my addiction to getting things done doesn’t respond well to rational arguments like that.
I mean, I’ve got stuff to do, ya know? There’s family stuff and personal stuff and stuff for and with lovers. There are tons of nagging tasks around the house that need to be done, and have needed doing for a while. There are the projects I want to get to, but feel like I can’t do until I finish other stuff. And then there are the things my wife has been asking for forever but I’ve been putting off. There are stories waiting to be written, pictures waiting to be taken, creative enterprises of all kinds gathering dust in heaps in my mind.
I have this silly habit of thinking the weekend will make all the difference, that if I can just make it to the weekend, I can get a handle on my ‘to do’ list, my ‘honey do’ list and ‘I want to do’ list. I forget one critical factor: sleep deprivation.
It’ll be easier once soccer season is over and I’m not storming around a field for an hour an a half each Saturday. That afternoon and evening is generally spent eating and napping to recover from the game. I then have a brief resurgence of energy which is usually spent hanging out with my daughters, doing some housework and dinking around on my computer.
Sunday is the day I can sleep in and I usually feel refreshed and energetic and try to do too many things which leaves me pooped out by Sunday evening. If I’m lucky, I was able to accomplish something tangible, something beyond just keeping up with dishes and basic housework. And then we’re back to Monday again. I need another fricken weekend day.
As much as I love the idea of being kidnapped by a lover and taken away for days and nights of rapturous love making and exploration of our darkest kinks, this week I’d gratefully accept being kidnapped and tossed into a room with a bed and pillows and dark and quiet. I know, that’s not in keeping with my Casanova image but honestly, right now, I need sleep or I’m gonna start coming apart at the seams. It’s quite possible I’ll have to let go of the driven Type A steering wheel for a bit and let some hours go by without being productive. The alternative is probably worse.
And.. if you see me being lured into stranger’s cars with blankies and pillows.. well.. just let me go, ok?
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