Tabu Toys is sponsoring a contest and the winner will get to choose between two really great vibrators: the Hitachi and the Magic Massager*.
It’s easy to enter, just leave a comment on this post describing your worst vibrator related disaster. I’m going to let the contest run for a week and then draw names out of a hat, or a bowl or something, there are better toy options online at sites like yolosextoys.com where you could find the right sex toy for you.
Tabu Toys has a wide selection of sex toys, not surprising, but also has cool information pages (Sex Toys 101) and a sex forum. As a reviewer, I enjoy working with them because they are flexible and very easy to communicate with.
Alrighty, then I will collect comments until Friday, 6/26/2009, and announce the winner on Monday, 6/29/2009. On your marks, get set, go!
Credit for this idea is 100% to my wife, Mrs. Kyle. Thanks, Honey!
* I wrote a review comparing the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Miracle Massager, check it out if you’re not sure which you’d choose.
This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.
Ok, so the story goes a little like this:
With my coming out as a queer femme and the finding of my first butch mate, I also was introduced into the mighty powerful and yummy world of sex toys! Once introduced, I was very much the Diva in a candy store, namely Babeland in Seattle. Best candy store EVER!
We started out with double rockets that work quite well when you want to control your partner’s orgasms. There was a new cock of course, I mean I am a Diva after all and so a very large black cock was procured for my boi to fuck me as I am quite accustomed to. Then my eyes alit upon a lovely purple good ole fashioned vibrator. Classic in every way except all the very cool settings, though in the end I always set it to INTENSE. That’s just how I roll 😉
I took to this new and wonderful world of being in love with both my boi and of our toys and what they allowed me to experience, and so yea, I explored…a lot. I had taken to “wanking off” every single day while my daughter was at school and my boi at work. I never worried too much about (still don’t) my daughter snooping in my drawers, but still to be on the safe side we purchased a cute end table that had storage under the lid, which you would never know about unless shown. So we stored our goodies in it and just kept décor on top. I really thought that was plenty enough precautions.
Which in fact it was. But any precautions are for not if you do not put the toys back in said storage unit!!
One day I was sitting on the computer, my daughter had just came in from school when she spoke from behind me “what’s this mommy?” I turn around to see my then 12 yr old daughter holding my bright purple spire of a vibrator straight up in the air like the freakin Olympic Torch!! The look of innocence in her eyes holding my pleasure toy is BURNED into my brain for a lifetime, perhaps into the next one as well!!
I proceeded to handle the situation with no sense of calm at all. I jumped up, took it from her, rushed it into the bedroom, slid it in my undies drawer, came back to her and explained it was “nothing”. In this one instance, I was thankful my daughter has ADHD and is very easily distracted. “hey wanna watch a movie?!”
To this day said toy is in The Land of Discarded Sex Toys waiting and hoping that I will chose her to come out and play again, but that day can never come to be. Remember…BURNED into my memory!
Two kind of awful stories.
I was housesitting/petsitting for a Women’s Studies professor and didn’t know which bedroom she wanted me to use for sleeping. She wrote on the note with directions that I should sleep in the “guest room,” but I had no idea which room that was.
I realized it the next morning when I reached for my eyeglasses and instead grabbed her Hitachi Magic Wand!
I switched rooms the next night, but when I invited my hot date home with me the next night (after all, I had to walk the dogs and so couldn’t stay out), I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I used the Hitachi on her!! I don’t know what I was thinking. Luckily, I guess, I never saw her again. She had thought the story was hot that night, but in the light of day the whole thing seemed a little ludicrous. I hurried her out of there before my professor came back home.
Second story–I have a hot pink vibrator that I tend to keep in the bathtub soap dish, for special occasions when I want to be really clean/ have hot shower sex. However, I’m so used to its presence that I forgot to take it out when my partner’s relatives came to visit. First her 15 year old cousin went to the bathroom. Then her 15 year old friend went to the bathroom. Then my partner’s aunt went to the bathroom. She came out and said “Interesting thing you have in your bathtub.” My partner was and is still mortified.
One might think this would teach us to keep the vibrator at least in a cupboard, but I also left it on the edge of the tub while hosting a Shabbat dinner for 8 people. I still get teased about it.
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So I live with my boyfriend and generally we spend a lot of time walking around in undies and leaving toys out, because, well really, other than the cats, who is going to find them? Well, when my sister comes to visit, it would be her. Every time she has come to visit, I have left a toy out in the open for her to see. From a butt plug and vibrator sitting on the bathroom sink to lube sitting out on the dresser of the guest bedroom to a bullet vibe on my bedside table. She hasn’t said anything to me yet, but I’m waiting for it.
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I just want to say that I think this is an awesome contest but I certainly don’t need another Miracle Massager.
PS, I broke two Rabbit Habits at different times. My vagina of steel snapped them right above the motor. )=
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I had always kept my curiosity about sex toys to myself until I met my current partner. With her I was brave enough to want to explore. Once I had admitted my interest we would meet online and got ‘window’ shopping to see what we might be interested in. One item in particular held my imagination for a long time before we actually decided to buy one for her next visit. It was a simple egg vibe, with a remote control.
We thought we were so clever. It was sexy fun and we grinned at each other as we prepared to go out one evening. Me with the egg inserted and her with the remote safely in her pocket. Every so often she would reach into her pocket and flip the switch causing me to jump slightly in surprise and then struggle not to squirm. But no one could tell, no one would know what was really going on.
Just before leaving the house I sat down at the dinning room table to give my children final instructions for while we were gone. My partner chose this time to flip the switch again. A loud buzzing sound filled the air and my two children looked around in puzzlement. I jumped to my feet and shot my partner a glare as she fumbled in her pocket for the remote and tried not to burst out laughing.
Luckily my children didn’t have time to pinpoint the direction the strange sound had come from and it remains a mystery to this day. As for me, I learned that insertable vibes and wooden chairs do not mix.
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if this isn’t vibrator specific, but also includes dongs…
I had a purple jelly dong and it had beads on one end, and the dong on the other. I brought it home, wiped it down with some sanitizer and had at it. it was awesome! I liked using it up the ass and I would enjoy the very slight give it had when i’d squeeze it with my sphincter. When i was done I washed it really good with soap and put it away.
Next time i used it, when i inserted it i noticed it burned a little. I though, oh many not enough lube, not enough warmup… So i let it sit for a second and tried to relax. No dice, this burning was different. It got worse. I took the toy out and it stayed burny for another 15 minutes. I very nearly went to the kitchen to get some ice. I thought maybe i tore something. I washed the toy and put it away.
a few days later i used a different toy, everything went fine no burning, if I had tore something it had to have been healed by now because it felt fineee.
a few days later I opted to give my purple jelly toy another whirl, put it in, and immediately intense burning that took a while to go away even after I removed the toy. I threw it out that night. It had to have been the toy. That’s when i got smart and started looking up information about toxins in sex toys. I think the soap I used broke something down which is why it didn’t hurt the first time.
So fuck.. or rather Don’t fuck jelly toys!
but yeah… a half an hour total of intense burning anal sphincter… Like the kind that makes you clench your cheeks and wiggle your feet furiously and breathe funny. that was pretty bad.
Oh and then there was that time a boy inserted a thin buttplug into me as part of the foreplay and then after all the sexin and stuff was over I wanted to knw where/why he had a butt plug (he was vanilla ish so i wanted to know if he explored his own other pleasurable spots or if it was for girls or what) and he told me it was his MOM’S!
but that’s less about the unfortunate toy and more about the SKEEZEWAD who i promptly walked out on and never saw again.
While staying at my Father’s for the holiday, and a husband who was passed out next to me after drinking, I was horny. Usually I can shake the feeling after an hour but I just couldn’t this time. I itched to feel that rush of pleasure. Since we were staying in my old room I got the vibrator out that was hidden and went to work under the covers. While it buzzed and I was almost on the brink, a knock landed at the door then opened. There was no way to turn the vibrator off quick enough so I hoped that it was quiet enough.
My named was softly called as my little fourteen year old sister wanted to say goodnight. The tilted her head and goes, “Your phone is vibrating.” Looking over at my phone, which was off I was like “Yeah, fucking asshole won’t stop calling, so I’m ignoring it.” I responded quietly as my toes curled. “Jerks.” she said shutting the door. Moments later that familiar rush hit and I’ve never stayed the night again.
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So I was probably nineteen and the only “vibrator” I’d ever used was my mother’s back massager. It wasn’t a Hitachi, but it was similar. My mom never had the chance to use it. I promptly stole and hid it when I realized how nice it felt.
A friend of mine talked me into working sex toy parties with her. As the ex was flipping through her catalog at one of the coed parties, he found this pink monstrosity that promised to be fun for all. He begged to buy it and I gave in.
It was a cockring made of this thick, hard plastic material and had little to no give at all in the cockring area. Lucky for us (or for him, as the case may be), the ex had a tiny penis. Otherwise, it never would have fit around him.
At the top was a hard, pointy rabbit. At the bottom was a hard two inch cylinder with a domed top. And it was wired, not wireless.
The first time we tried it, it was all out war. “You’re not doing it right!” “No. You’re just not wet enough!” “There’s a puddle under my ass. Not wet enough. That hurts! Could you maybe change positions? Damn!” “How bout you change positions?”
Naturally, I hated it and he loved it. So I agreed to try it again. Upside down. So the rabbit didn’t massacre my clit again.
It still hurt. And he still loved it.
We tried it every which way we could imagine. On his cock. Off it. Upside down. Right side up. It just plain hurt. But he loved using it by himself. To be honest, I think that was the beginning of the decline in our sex life. Lol.
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Back when I was in undergrad, way back before high speed connections or cell phones, I shared an apartment with my lovely, punk girlfriend. She and I shared all sorts of erotic adventures, from kidnapping kinky frat boys to exploring sex toys. At some point we obtained a huge blue jelly rubber vibe, the kind that is a rubbery sleeve that fits over a hard plastic center. However, the blue phallus was so huge that the vibrations were too muted to enjoy, so she peeled off the jelly sleeve and left it on top of the TV for decoration. Blue Cock, as we called him, traveled around our apartment showing up in weird locations to keep us entertained. She found him in one of her shoes one night. First thing the next morning he greeted me while floating in the toilet. You get the idea. One day, Blue Cock hid and was never found. We both forgot about him, but I’m sure you can hear the creepy violins getting louder right about now. Fast forward to moving day, and my parents who do not realize (in spite of being out and honest) that she is more than a housemate. The furnished apartment has been emptied of our things and cleaned out and we’re ready for summer break. My mom, being the great mom she is, does a last sweep to look for anything left behind. After declaring the upstairs done she does a last check between the cushions of the living room couch and promptly fishes out a hairy, dirty Blue Cock. Mom, dad, the girlfriend and I all stare at it. Then I stare at her as everyone else turns to look at me. We mumbled something about a crazy 21st birthday party (to which my folks meekly nodded) as she whisked it out of my mom’s hands and into the overflowing trash bin outside. It was never mentioned again. However, now that I work in the sex industry I often wonder if my folks remember back to that day and wonder.
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How about a toddler (that would be ours) ‘toddling’ out of our bedroom with a hot pink pocket rocket type vibrator…while we were entertaining my parents & hers…not sure I’ve ever moved so fast in my life. It’s a wonder I didn’t pull a hamstring…
I don’t need another Hitachi, but I feel a deep need to share my stories…
About five years ago, my oldest was a mere two years of age. We hadn’t started hiding (who am I kidding? We still don’t hide) our toys and so imagine our dismay when one morning, he got up before us and started rummaging in the toybox… apparently, his idea of properly waking his parents was to beat his father over the head with a Tantus Goliath, AFTER turning on the microvibe in the base.
Around the same time, my mother was visiting (oh, the joys of living on our own back then) and decided to help me clean my house. We were in the bedroom when she picked up the toybox and asked, “Where do you want me to put your shoe shine kit?”
I looked up, blushed furiously, and stammered, “Um… uh… you can… uh… just leave the… shoe shine kit… there…”
Her eyes popped open and she nearly dropped it in her haste to put the box down. To this day, we still refer to the toybox as the shoe shine kit.
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So a few years ago, I was enjoying a new and shiny relationship with a very butchy dyke we shall call C. She was wild and uninhibited and for our first “date,” drove me up to a vista point in the mountains, pushed me down in the cargo area in her mini-SUV and fucked me until six in the morning.
But… this is a horror story. On to the horrors.
The girl had gotten my hopes up with her cargo-space prowess so you can imagine my shock and dismay when, some time later, she proudly introduced me to her one and only sex toy aside from a horrific clear plastic and nylon harness that dug into my asscrack: a cheap blue plastic vibrator whose exterior shell buckled under more energetic exertions and whose pathetically wimpy motor was still loud enough to freak out the cats in the house. In fact, you could even FEEL the motor through the wussy plastic covering; needless to say it was NOT conducive to a happy cunt.
In the end, however, my experience with her sex toys only foretold my experience with the relationship (and her) in general. Lesson learned: don’t settle for cheap plastic vibes. There are plenty of Hitachis in the sea.
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My Vibrator horror story goes along the lines of “Why you never buy the cheapest dildo/vibrator in the sex shop” stories.
Me and my guy were in the first year of our relationship, and broke but horny decided to start looking at toys for fulfilling my double penetration fantasy. Sadly since neither of us had any experience with any store bought vibrator/dildos we just decided to get the cheapest one there, which turned out to be an eight inch, HARD plastic, $10 contraption, roughly the shape of a bottle of shampoo.
Lube didn’t work on it, and it felt as if I was masturbating with a vibrating, overheated, shaved barbie doll. Even with this issue we still wanted to get some use out of the toy so my boy tried to start my fantasy but before he could get his dick close to the backdoor the vibrator slid out and stabbed him in the stomach breaking off the cap that held the batteries in and out comes a C battery avalanche down upon his cock and ball.
This caused him to collapse on top of me stabbing himself in the stomach AGAIN and causing the device to stab back into me and try to make me a new hole. Which then somehow caused a giant crack to form down the side of it.
It was thrown away 5 minutes later after the pain subsided. The only thing we saved were the batteries.
And then we broke down the next pay check to buy a well researched(though more expensive) vibrator that worked like a dream.
Short and sweet.
So, I’ve got this little bullet vibe, right? Small, but good for what I needed at the time.
After I’m finished, I turn it off, clean it, and put it aside. Then the doorbell rings. So I go to answer it. It turns out to be some door-to-door person – I honestly forget what for, now – whom I turn away after the minimum polite time.
This is where the story gets interesting. See, I have a dog. A Lab, as a matter of fact. A puppy, really, who loves to snap at things. My vibe is still out, right next to the sink.
I’m sure you can draw your own conclusions as to what happened next.
Suffice it to say that the dog grabbed at it, and started to savage it. Somehow, during this, it *TURNED ON*, which caused him to go even crazier.
So, the vibe is utterly destroyed by the time I turn around. That’s not the best part.
The BEST part is the visit to the (male) vet afterwards. God, I was blushing for weeks.
Horror story? Hmmmm…….. When I was 24 and visiting my parents for my birthday and the Christmas holiday I had stashed my brand new penis shaped vibrator (an early BD gift from my BFF and her husband) in the bottom dresser drawer along with my clothes. Mom being the neatnik she is saw that the drawer was not fully closed and decided to refold my clothes so they would all fit neatly and the drawer would close. That night when she came in to say goodnight she casually said “oh what exactly do you use that thing in the box, under your sweaters, for?”. I remember calmly saying I hadn’t used it that it was a gag gift from friends while internally I was dying that my mother had found it even though I’d carefully hidden it .
Oops! morriganfae@yahoo.com
My horror stories are pretty mild, but I DO need a Hitachi because my sister stole mine.
I suppose you could count the time BEFORE I had a sex toy. I was a teenager and just learning about masturbation, and every household object had potential in my eyes…so I once used a carrot as a dildo. Classic, right?
I hid the carrot in my sock drawer afterward, lest anyone ask questions or try to cook it for supper, and forgot about it. When I found it again a couple of weeks later, it was completely shriveled up. In my irrational teenage mind I concluded that my vagina was toxic and had killed it, and I threw it into the backyard to conceal my guilt.
Also, like others, the Rabbit did not work for me because my PC muscles were too strong. Stupidly, I tried to send it back.
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So in the first year or so of my relationship with my ex partner, I carried a vibrator around in my purse, a little silver bullet. I did this because she packed a lot and we fucked outside or in public places quite often, and the bullet helped guarantee orgasm when I was able to use it. Anyway, I digress : )
We bought a house together and I decided to apply for a job as a preschool teacher in our new town as I was working towards my degree. I went in for an interview which seemed to go really well. They told me I would hear back from them within a week or so on the decision. About a week later they called me back asking for a second interview, this time with the superintendent. I was nervous but this seemed promising, so I was excited. First I interviewed with a panel of people in the principal’s office, then they asked me to go to the room I would be teaching in so that they could show me around, etc. The room was so cute with its little miniature desks and chairs, sink and play area. I put my purse down on one of the group desks and continued walking around with a fellow teacher when I heard the crash. The principal had tripped on the table while walking around (tight room), and the desks are so small, the trip was just so forceful, it knocked my purse off.
Not only did my vibrator fly out, but it flied out VIBRATING. So there it goes, my little silver vibrator, shaking on the floor of a preschool classroom as the PRINCIPAL tries to pick my stuff up, (reaching for the vibrator out of instinct, but then realizing what it is then pulling back) apologizing for making a mess.
Everyone saw it. And heard it. Needless to say, I was horrified. Needless to say, I did NOT get the job.
Lesson: pack only when appropriate. Hahah.
Well gee .. darn … i dont have a vibe horror story!! but yours have all been “horror”bly funny!
i will tell my first Hitachi story though – Vegas, Halloween Ball, and ROPE! were all involved lol –
After the Halloween Ball we all went to Mistress and Sirs hotel suite – there was the 3 of us ( i wasnt even their sub yet! ) and then 3 other guy friends –
First we were watching Pirate Porn ( and omg 1 guy fell alseep! who falls alseep during Pirate Porn!??)
After Pirate Porn we tied the pixie up in some pretty purple rope – then moved her to the bed when they bound me to the bed and blindfolded me – THEN i met Mr Hitachi and OMG … had to beg her to take him away!! and to bring him back, and away and and and – well – i know you Mr H lovers understand the love/omg too much relationship we have with him!
i was in love, She sent me one as a present for Christmas that year and we have been best lovers ever since 🙂
So… while working security on the grave yard shift, i decied to bring a toy to keep me company (especially for those long conversations before my gf went to bed). But I was kinda nervous about getting caught wwith it in my car, since it was all ways the vehicle of choice for going out with my frineds on weekends. So… i decied to put it in the trunk of my car, where the jack was for my spare. Well one day driving to work at about midnight, goin 80 on the freeway, i of course get pulled over. So late for work & all this cop decides to be a dick & search my trunk. Well when doing so my vibrator goes off & he FREAKS. Pulls out his gun & asks me to pop the trunk. As soon as it opens & he sees what it is, he turns BRIGHT RED, closes the trunk, slowly comes up to my window & tells me to drive slower… as he shakes his head & walks toward his car.
Well, my story happened just the other day, Wednesday to be exact.
I’ve been bad. I’ve been leaving my sex toys haphazardously around my room. And while my mother may not come in my room, the cleaning lady does. I really didn’t realize how much stuff I’d left out…… I come home from work and go up to my room and I almost died.
My ‘Mistress Manal: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance’ is leaning on one of my pillows on my bed….I go to my bathroom and my Lelo Mia and my Kama Sutra Warming Gel are in my makeup bag. I think the innocent, 70 some year old lady thought they were makeup related…..if only she knew…oh. And then I noticed that I’d left my very unmistakably sex toy rabbit vibe sitting on the shelf in my shower……..the mortification of my cleaning lady finding my toys? Yeah…..I’ll never leave my things out again. Haha
Years ago, I had a sofa that folded out into a bed, and it was where I slept at night. Most days, I made it back up into a sofa. Well, one Saturday morning I was scurrying around, getting ready for a date that night. I’d used my vibrator (the kind with a cord) the night before, and I’d forgotten that it was still “in” the sofa bed.
When I folded up the sofa bed, the metal frame cut into the vibrator’s cord (which, of course, was still plugged in), and fried the vibrator – there were scorch marks on it when I recovered it later. I’m lucky I didn’t start a fire in my couch!
Additionally, I blew a fuse that not only affected my apartment, but several others – it was an old building, and it had ancient wiring. After the superintendent came wandering around the hallway to replace the fuse, everyone was asking what happened. (Luckily, there was no way to “localize” the source.)
I looked at the superintendent, and said without batting an eye, “I have no idea.” Needless to say, I was a bit more careful with my toys thereafter.
I can’t find your email address, kyle! maybe i’m slow…
My email is z stras sburg er at gmail, minus the spaces in between the letters. thanks!
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