There is a lot going on in the World of Kyle lately. My wife is within 10 weeks of having our second child and is experiencing all kinds of emotional swings. The baby is very active and is responding more and more to outside stimulus (mama pushes, baby kicks back). We are a couple of weeks from the start of a remodeling project involving our basement windows. We need to upgrade three windows to meet egress code in preparation of moving our daughter to a downstairs bedroom. No, she doesn’t have three windows, but we’re doing all the rooms in one shot. The room she’s occupied for the last eight years will become the nursery. My wife is acting as general contractor and knows all kinds of stuff about egress codes and specifications for windows and window wells. I’m lucky to have such an organized and intelligent partner.
Of course, you don’t just invite contractors to come excavate and cut holes into your basement walls without doing some work ahead of time. For the past couple of weeks, we’ve (mostly I’ve) been doing serious cleaning and packing of the downstairs rooms so that we could empty them. Our friends came on Sunday to help move the furniture into the garage. Once that was done, we moved to taping up the closet doors and bookshelves that didn’t get moved. Then we grilled up steak and veggies and fed the crew.
And of course, there are all the other things that go along with a busy family and professional life: soccer for the spawn and I, studying for a Microsoft certification, maintaining the yard and garden, taking on more and more day-to-day chores because my wife can’t bend over anymore and, occasionally, sleep.
And then there’s this little event happening at the end of the week. Just a minor activity, a mere 2 hour flight there and back: my weekend with Roxy.
Yeah, I know, it’s not minor, there’s nothing ‘mere’ about it. This is a big f**ing deal and I’d love nothing more than to bask and luxuriate in excruciating anticipation all week long, but f**ing life keeps getting in the way, for both of us. This is what poly really is: managing multiple relationships while living full lives that do not pause and make way for you. You think you can make poly work? How good are you at multi-tasking? And I don’t mean twittering while working while shopping online. I mean full-time jobs plus families plus commitments to friends and communities and school activities and appointments and continuing education and the smut writing hobby and maintaining a home and .. and .. and ..
You get the picture. Life doesn’t stop just because you only want to concentrate on the upcoming frolic with your lover. We don’t get a free pass, we have to be strong enough and determined enough and in love enough to make it work regardless. And that’s what we do, each and every day. I remember someone remarking that poly sounded like ‘fun’.. and I laughed the cynical laugh of the experienced. ‘Fun’? Really? Ok, so it has its moments, lots of them. Lots of ecstatic, loving, amazing, mind-blowing, heart-expanding, and, yes, fun moments. But poly also comes with challenge, fear, painful growth, embarrasing exposure, jealousy, insecurity and a host of other not so ‘fun’ feelings.
And, yeah, with all that, I’m happier than I have ever been as an adult. My heart grows larger all the time, I am more loved and more capable of love than ever before. It’s hard work, but well worth it.
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