Give and Take

I’ve talked before about my sexual identity, claiming queer and butch as my labels, but that doesn’t tell the whole picture.  There is also my increasing desire for kink and my interest in exploring BDSM.  Those are certainly components of my sexual identity.  Recently, another part of that picture revealed itself during a conversation with Roxy.  A big part of sexual pleasure for me is giving pleasure.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love to be fucked, to come screaming like a banshee and ask for more, however, giving pleasure to my partner, reciprocating, has always felt necessary for a complete sexual experience.   So giving pleasure, being a giver, is a part of my sexual identity.  I enjoy giving pleasure so much, I’ve come while bring my partner to orgasm, without touching myself.  Talk about mind over matter.

As it happens, Roxy also sees giving pleasure as a big part of her sexual identity.  So what happens when two givers get together to have sex?  It’s not as incompatible as, say, two stone butches, but it does require some compromise if both people are going to enjoy themselves.  A giver needs someone to be the recipient of that generosity, to complete the circuit.

I’ve been thinking about all of this and wondering whether I could be satisfied, sexually, without delivering orgasms.  I wouldn’t say it’s impossible, but it’s such a new idea that I’m still mulling it over.  Could I be satisfied knowing that my partner gets great pleasure from giving me pleasure, would that complete the circuit?  I can’t say that I’ve reached any conclusions but I enjoy having new material to think about and integrate.

And what did happen when Roxy and I, two givers, got together?  We both allowed each other the pleasure of giving pleasure.  We both enjoyed the satisfaction of watching the other’s face shift and twist in orgasm.  We were satisfied from each end of the circuit.  We are still exploring each other and the thing called ‘us’ that we’ve created.  She brings me interesting, new things to think about all the time, asks questions that I’m not always ready to answer.  And that is one of the things I love about her, loving her is never boring.  Loving her is a continual learning process, not just in learning more about her, but in learning more about me.  And for me, that makes loving her a pleasure and an adventure.

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