Some friends and family gathered with me Saturday night to celebrate the anniversary of my birth, fourty-five years ago. We drank and ate and laughed and told stories. I received wonderful gifts including a beautiful new tie from my parents. My mother is very proud to have selected for me, and I was tickled almost beyond words. That night it looked like a dark plumb color, but in the morning light it revealed itself as brown, with a very fine pattern of lines and dots. I immediately saw this as an opportunity to go shopping for a new dress shirt, even though I could wear this tie with the two I already have. Why pass up a shopping opportunity?
When we have parties, we get a wonderful, eclectic mix reflecting our varied social networks and interests. Friends we know from the downtown scene mingle with friends we’ve had forever, my parents chatting with parents from our daughter’s elementary school.
My friends are wonderful, my family is awesome, my wife rocks the universe. But my birthday wasn’t all happy-happy, joy-joy. I was also, and still am, reeling from some changes in my personal life, a very close relationship is going through a difficult and painful transition. I don’t really want to say more than that, though I will eventually.
I did have fun that night, however, my friends unknowingly taking my mind off heavier matters. We had yummy food, thanks to my lovely wife. We had our house drink, the Stealth Bomber*. It’s called the Stealth because it’s so easy to drink and totally sneaks up on you. My parents hung out for a while, socializing with all our friends. That’s kind of a new thing, for a long time they’d come to our parties but not stay long. Now they know and enjoy hanging with a lot of our friends.
I got pie for my birthday dessert, in honor of PI Day. It was chocolate banana cream and it was delicious. I also had some of my favorite tequila, Hussongs reposado, thanks to my wife who bought me a new jug. A friend also bought me a jug, yay for friends! Others brought equally thoughtful or humorous gifts. I’m very lucky to have these folks in my life.
Later, when just a few close friends remained, someone said “Your mom got you a tie, wow!” They recognized that gift as a sign my parents were more relaxed and accepting of me and the changes I’d been going through. I haven’t always honored and communicated my masculinity the way I do now, nor did I claim the ‘butch’ label as much in the past. A femme friend ruffled my hair and told me she liked the way I was getting it cut lately, and that she liked the changes she and her partner had seen in me. Her partner chimed in,”You’re butch, go with it.”
My very close friends know that my wife and are are poly now and know about this blog and that I’ve been going through a lot of changes and growth in the past year. Now that it looks like I’ll have more free social time on my hands, I think I’ll spend more of it with them. I need to work on building up my networks, spend time with friends and prepare for that new little spawn my wife is cooking up. There’s a lot to do in the next few months. I’ve been feeling pretty introspective the last few days, pretty common for me around my birthdays and moreso this time around. But I can feel the energy of renewal beginning to find its way into me. It’s spring, the sun will be coming more, I’ll plant a garden, we’ll have a baby and my heart will heal. All in due time, one day at a time.
* The Stealth Bomber: 1 cup vodka, 1 cup triple sec, 2 cups white cranberry juice, squeeze of lime, poured over ice and a slice of orange
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