Last Kiss

What is it about last kisses? Is it better to know what they are when they happen? Or to not know at the time? What do you think?

The two times I’ve known I was having last kisses with someone I loved, the feeling was like a ice cream swirl cone… a mixture of the passion you’ve always felt for that person and the impending sadness of parting. It’s kissing through tears.  It’s that familiar warmth and the oncoming chill absence. It’s a rich blend, like dark chocolate and hot peppers – the combination of which is something entirely it’s own, containing but exceeding the individual ingredients.

Kissing through the tears, knowing it’s the last time, it’s hard to know when to stop, when to seal her lips one last time with the love I feel for her.  But eventually, you do stop and you pull away and look her in the eyes and feel the love and the loss in every cell of your body.

Love and loss

Kissing through tears

Loving to the end

Walking away

Resisting the urge to turn around and run back for one more kiss

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in my love, relationships | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Would You Buy an eBook of My Stories?

I’ve been working on an eBook for a while, a collection of stories that have appeared here, plus some extras that were published elsewhere or have not appeared anywhere yet. So far it’s 128 pages long. I would like to charge a little for it, using the proceeds to go toward my web hosting costs. The question is.. how much should I charge?

I’m thinking somewhere in the $2.99 to $4.99 range… but I’m curious what you’d pay to have some of my best, most popular stories on your Kindle or other eBook device.

The title is Everything She’s Asked For and the cover will feature a photo from the recent shoot with Evoë.

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in self-publishing, writer news | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Blades, and other hot stories in Elust #65

sassycatheader

Photo courtesy of SassyCat

Welcome to Elust #65 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #66? Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out this petition to repeal the new censorship laws.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

“Does this look sexual to you?”
Submission Can Be Hard
You can have a secret sex blog and be ethical

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

On Writing and Self Doubt

Online porn: the canary in the coalmine

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

The Pendulum: Why Americans Should Care that British Porn is Fucked

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

Blades
Dark Desires
This Is How You Use Her
“Office Santa”—A Free Story for the Holidays!
Feral
Justin’s Rope
Santa Sutra & the Rebellious Rein-Girl
Dirty
I Want You, My Way
Caught In The Act
The Smile

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Feminist Rape
The Sex I Like
Erased
Post-Revolution Kink: What kinds of kink?
Why MakeLoveNotPorn Has It Wrong

Blogging

I Do It My Way

Erotic Non-Fiction

Slave Olive’s Ongoing Chastity Experience
Coast to Coast Traveling Panties.
My Headshaving – During
Tell me…..(want versus need)
flip fucking a punk boy but good

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

To Avoid Street Harassment, Dress Slutty!
Touch
“You’re not a Domme, you’re a hooker”
We Don’t Do That: On Vulnerability
He suspects something’s up…
Aust Sex Survey: Triumph, Trouble & Tragedy
Erections, Erections, Erections
Am I queer enough for you?

Poetry

Quandary – A Lusty Limerick
Used

Writing About Writing

A Sticky Vocabulary Situation

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Tickling, consent violations, and violence
Sniffy
A Few Things I Wish I’d Known About Sex, Dati

 

ELust Site Badge

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in erotica, e[Lust] | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Yes, My Love, It Was Beautiful

She asked me, in a voice full of tears, “It was beautiful, wasn’t it?”

We were both crying into our phones, our hearts breaking as it sank in.  She’d just told me that she’d decided to pursue monogamy with someone else.

Yes, baby, it was beautiful.  You are beautiful and the love we shared was beautiful.

Yes, my love, I meant every word.  Every moment of being inside our love was beautiful, amazing, fulfilling.  I could feel myself expanding to include the universe, every time I looked into your eyes.

Those dreams we shared?  I felt them in my heart and soul, every moment was true.  Those fantasies we cultivated?  I was there with you, fully.

Was it real?  You’ve asked me that more than once.  Yes, my love, it was real.  I felt you moving inside my heart, dancing with my soul.  Every moment we spent loving each other has been completely real.

“Dive deep with me”, you invited, crooking your finger as you swam further into the deep end.  And I followed, it was scary at times, but I wanted to be with you, in those deep secret places you don’t share with everyone.  And I wanted you to be with me, in my deep secret places, blowing the dust off as I showed you my hidden treasures and wounds.

Yes, my sweet love, it was real and it was beautiful. No, I do not regret a moment.  I don’t regret falling in love with you with all of my being.  I know that ultimately you needed more than I could give, but I gave you all I could without reservation.  And I loved every moment of the vulnerability we shared.  No one can take that from us, baby, no one can take what we shared, the love we made together.  It stands as a bright high place in my memory, so bright, so warm and fantastic in it’s depth and breadth.  There’s no reason to give that up, to let go of what we had.  I will keep you in my heart forever.

We are still in love and that’s hard for both of us, because we have to make an effort to move away from that moment to moment intimacy we shared.  The pain is real, too.  Authentic, true and cutting.  This ache will dull over time, sweetheart, and in time it won’t hurt as much to revisit our memories.  We are talking, sharing, loving each other as we work our way out of the daily affirmation of being in love to affirmations of deep friendship.  Your love is so precious to me, I hope you know that, I know it’s hard sometimes.  I do love you and I know you love me. I know you had to make the decision that aligned with your truth.  I honor your truth, I support your decision, I want you to be happy.

This is a challenging time for us.  The wounds still fresh, still so easily stinging over a word or comment.  My hope is that we move forward as dear, loving friends.  I want to be your safe harbor and I dearly wish to keep you to be my confidant.

Yes, my love, it was beautiful and completely ours.  You came into my life like a lightening bolt from a clear sky: singular, unforgettable, incomparable.  There has never been anyone like you in my life and there is no one who can replace or eclipse what we have shared together.

I wish you the best, my sweet, brave Oregon Girl.  Yes, baby, it was beautiful and no one can take that away from us.  I love your courageous heart with all of mine.

Spread your gorgeous wings and fly, my love.  Find your paradise.  I will go on loving you and appreciating the beauty of your flight.

Always.

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Growl

growl in my ear
bite my face
rut on me
your great need
I want it
spend it on me
growl

ancient dance
primal animal
dirt and bones
grit and heat
searing breath
gnashing teeth
growl

give me your ancient rights
your primordial need
open me up and roll in me
leave your seed and your scent
mark me like your favorite tree
growl

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in crushes, erotica, poetry | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Trans*date 12.10.2014: Growing…

I began taking testosterone on June 18th, today is my 176th day on T, almost 6 months.

The small scruffy beard I’ve had since my 30s is filling out and my butch mustache is getting thicker and darker.  Along my jawline the peach fuzz is now starting to show darker invaders, but they are very far and few still.

I have had a couple of hairs on the center of my chest for years but recently they’ve been joined by others, many others.  Still sparse and spread out but more and more visible.  And a bit itchy.

My voice is much lower now than it was before transition.  The voice log post I recently did illustrates that pretty well.  And speaking of lower, changes have happened below, too.  My clit is thickening and when I get turned on, I have a small erection.. small compared to cis male penises but huge compared to my pre-T butch erections.  Like, whoa.

Emotionally I feel great about transitioning.  My head is clear, I’m not tormented with questions about whether I should or shouldn’t.  The farther I go on this path, the better and more right it feels.

Physical transition is underway, but social transition has stalled a bit.  A friend of mine expressed surprise that I wasn’t using men’s rooms yet.  I explained that at work I can use a single stall unisex bathroom and other wise I work at home.  In the evening, when I’m out at bars and such, I haven’t yet felt like I wanted to take the step of switching.  He’s a trans guy, many years into his transition, and he reassured me that most of the time, guys won’t even pay any attention.  I know that the real issue is my internal resistance. I guess I just need to decide to cut over and do it.

Of all the steps I’ve taken, that one intimidates me the most.

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in Genderqueer Transition, This Genderqueer LIfe, transgender | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Interview with BD Swain on Reprobait

Retrobait Magazine has an interview with BD Swain that I very much enjoyed reading.  I admire BD’s style and ability to write stories that get me hot and squirming in my seat.  Reading this interview, it struck me how similar we are in terms of why writing queer erotica appeals to us and why we got into it in the first place.

If you don’t know about BD Swain yet and you like well-written queer erotica, you should check her out.  You won’t be disappointed.

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in about writing, sex blogging, short fiction, Shout Outs, turn ons | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Trans*date 12.5.2014: Voice Changes

Here are three different recordings of the same song, one in August, one in July and one in November.

Before starting to take testosterone:

 

About a month and a half on T:

 

November, 5 months on T:

 

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in Genderqueer Transition, transgender | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Inspirational Music

Black as Night by Nahko

I believe in the good things comin’, comin’, comin’
I believe in the good things comin’, comin’, comin’
Out of darkness lion heart pumpin’, pumpin’, pumpin’
Into white light all things runnin’, runnin’, runnin’ Who have I been, who am I becomin’?
Come in, come in, come in
Deep breathes for a young man learnin’, learnin’, learnin’, learnin’
Take a vow in the Pale moonlight, moonlight, moonlight
Take a look at myself through my third eye
Everything’s already alright, always alright, always alright

So
I am no master, I know nothin’
I am no master, I know nothin’
I am no master, I know nothin’
But I am a servant and I know somethin’ yeah
I am no master, I know nothin’

 

big thanks to my friend Cheree for turning me on to this song.

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in music | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

I know what works for me

It has become amusing to me that trolls take the time to make comments on my blog that criticize my relationship style.  It’s also pathetic that people get such joy out of the pain and heartbreak of others.  That’s a pretty rich place to stand while criticizing me, I think.

Yeah, my heart got broken, again.  Yeah, it’s happened before.  And yes, it will happen again.  Not because I’m a bad person, not because I’m doing something wrong, not because I’m a promiscuous player.  My heart will break because I don’t hold back when it comes to love, I make full investments and loving that way is risky.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Yes, I have a broken heart over losing Oregon Girl as my lover.  However, I have no regrets.  I do not wish to go back in time and stop myself from falling in love with her.  I do not wish to go back in time and change my decision to be poly.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To embrace poly is to accept risks.  To love big, without hold backs, is not what you do if you are trying to avoid heart break and loss.  However, I have found that my life is much less joyful and worth living when I try to love small.  So I will continue to love big, to take dive into the deep end and take the risks.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Breaking up with someone is not always an indication that what you had wasn’t good.  In fact, I believe she will completely agree with me that what we had was more than good.  It was amazing and deep and intimate and spiritually fulfilling and mentally ecstatic.  It was a meeting of our souls.  I do not regret our relationship for a moment.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I only regret we didn’t have more time.  This is how I love and it works for me.

I don’t know what the trolls definition of promiscuous is, but the slut shaming has got to go.  Yes, I like sex.  I fucking love sex when it’s with someone I have a connection with – mental, physical, emotional, spiritual – and I don’t have to be in love with that person to feel those connections.  Sex feels good, it’s something that feels good to share with someone else.  I’m not going to apologize for enjoying sex with people I’m not married to or in a serious relationship with.  That’s between me and that person, and the rest of the world can fuck off if they have a problem with it.  All that matters to me is connection, desire, mutual consent and mature communication about boundaries and needs.  This is who I am and it works for me.

Am I a player?  What does that even mean?  Do I run around seducing innocent maidens, using them until I become bored and then moving on to the next one?  Nope.  In fact, most of the time, I’m the one who gets broken up with.  And I’m very selective.  I am a guy who loves to fall in love, who loves to fall in lust, who loves to find those mutually beneficial ways to interact with someone else’s body so that each of us feels like we’ve got the better deal.  I love discovering new things with new people.  I love people, so don’t call me a player, I’m a lover but I don’t play with people’s emotions.  This is who I am and it works for me.

To conclude, being poly and sexually adventurous and open to new experiences with new people and loving in big, open-hearted ways and not closing down my life because of heart break is who I am, and it works for me.

 

This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported license.

Posted in relationships | Tagged , , , | 15 Comments